Alert the media ...
I found a cure for Cenosillicaphobia (fear of an empty glass) ... it's called Beer Week.
We love beer so much here at Creative Loafing that we celebrated it with a week-long holiday of hops. It was more like a week's vacation from sobriety -- with 21 different events on tap, my liver hates me right now.
The first cask was tapped at Rock Bottom Brewery and the glass was more than half-full for the rest of the week. There was the B.R.I.T.S Beer Dinner with Tim Schafer, a Brew Cruise on Lake Norman, lessons in beer brewing and weird beer tasting, Beer'unch at RiRa and you could even can your own six pack at Cans.
Then there was the Beer Run with the starting and finish line being Brixx Uptown, and the track went from Flying Saucer to Mellow Mushroom to Dilworth Neighborhood Grille to Maxs. I feel like a full-grown kid that just got back from Disney World ... just the drink across the nations tour at Epcot Center.
The last call for Beer Week was Thursday at the Beer Girl contest at Dilworth Neighborhood Grille where I got to break out my gavel as a judge. But we're not talking Miller Lite models here -- think girls who like to drink beer. The contest included a beer knowledge quiz, a swill skill showdown, the perfect pour war where the girls tried not to give head, er, foam, and a freestyle talent. One girl bench-pressed a keg, another took a beer bong through a swimming pool noodle and another girl cut off the top of a beer bottle with a kitchen knife. The vast array of talent made the judging difficult, but Dale from Atlanta is our Beer Girl.
Don't fret if you missed the week vacation to the beer drinker's amusement park known as Beer Week because the Beer, Bourbon and BBQ Festival is coming up on July 21 in Symphony Park.
After Beer Week, I took Friday off to recharge my battery (and my liver) to assure I had my big girl pants on, or Daisy Dukes rather, for Cans' Anniversary Old School Block Party. Last year, Cans celebrated their grand opening with Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite as DJ, so obviously their first birthday -- anniversary -- whatever you want to call it, was also going to be a party to remember regardless of how much you drank. On stage they had Mini Kiss (a Kiss cover band comprised of little people) followed by Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock. They also had a grilling tent, corn hole toss and rubber jousting -- it was something like an uptown carnival with Rob Base chillin' with the Budweiser-drinking Mini Kiss in the Kiss 95.1 tent.