I am currently dating a guy who is nice, funny, has a good "dating résumé," i.e. never married, good job, no issues. I have a good time when we are together and he treats me fine. The problem is that we have the most ridiculously boring sex. Super vanilla, totally predictable, and I never come. There's no foreplay, he rarely eats pussy, and when he does it's not good. It's totally frustrating, but I try not to put too much weight on it since other aspects of our relationship are ideal.
As a result of this unfortunate circumstance, I have started to have sex with my ex. He and I have the most incredible sex. It's kinky, delicious, and the most satisfying I've ever had in my life. He worships my pussy. He carries a pair of my panties in his pocket and just knowing this makes me want him even more. The reason our relationship ended, though, was that he's very committed to his job, which leaves little room for a significant relationship (a potential marriage). Thanks to my mini-midlife crisis, I think I fucked up a good thing. I have someone now who I could be in a committed relationship with, but it's sexually unsatisfying and suddenly I could give a rat's ass about a "significant relationship."
The question I have for you is this: How much weight should a person put on good sex in a long-term relationship? I can't imagine having to masturbate for the rest of my life just to end up with Mr. Nice Guy. What should I do about this mess?
An Unmarried Woman
How much weight the average person should place on good sex in an LTR is irrelevant, AUW. The relevant question is how much weight you should put on good sex in your LTR. And your slutty, slutty actions of late reveal the answer: shitloads.
You're dating a nice, funny guy who treats you well -- he's marriage material! -- but the sex is so lousy you're cheating on him with your non-marriage-material ex. So what have we learned about ourselves in our current relationship, AUW? That you're the type of person who will cheat on a nice, funny guy if she feels deprived of good, hot sex. Therefore it would be in your best interest -- and your future husband's best interest -- to be with a guy who isn't merely nice and funny, but also good and hot. Wouldn't you agree?
So here's what you need to do about this mess: Provided you've told Mr. Nice Guy you're not satisfied, introduced him to a few of your kinks, and given him pointers on how you like your pussy eaten, all to no avail, then it's time to dump the motherfucker already. He needs to find a woman who isn't interested in hot sex, or thinks the sex he enjoys is hot, and marry her. If you're still interested in an LTR and your hot ex isn't, you need to stop fucking your ex and pour that energy into finding a nice, funny man who is marriage material and great in bed. They're out there.
Is it possible to move on with a relationship after someone cheats?
In my situation, my fiancé cheated on me and lied about it. Our phone bill proved that he had been calling this girl, but he denied it was anything important. Then the girl's friend told me he cheated, I confronted him, and he now admits it -- though he says he's not really sure since he had been drinking far too much. He doesn't remember it, he says, but supposes that it could have happened.
We are talking about going to counseling. But I find myself resenting him, not trusting him, and scared of having sex with him. Will I ever be able to stop hating him, ever be able to trust him, and ever be able to restart a sexual relationship with him? Sign me ...
Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?
Once a cheater, not always a cheater. But once a cheater, likelier to cheat than never a cheater. Duh, right?
But let's set the cheating issue aside, OACAAC. Are you seriously going to marry this guy? You caught your fiancé cheating and the best defense he can come up with is a drinking problem? Why are you still engaged to someone you can't trust, won't fuck, and feel nothing but hate for? End it.