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The Charles Dickens.

Would you save George Bush from a burning house fire if he were screaming out your name for help?

I'd pull him out, get him all the way down stairs, then tell him, "Mission accomplished," and run out the door.

What's the scariest thing you can think of?

I'd say if Paris Hilton survived that cliff dive. I think we should all be afraid if that were to happen.

What are you going to invent one day?

A machine that brings cartoons to life.

Please outline a clear exit strategy for the American troops in Iraq.

I think we should send Paris Hilton there on a USO show.

What's your stripper name?

Slick Carl.

Do girls poop?

Only after eating Fuel pizza, hopefully not a sponsor. If they are, change it to Mr. Jim's.

Name: Paul

• Angus Lamond
• Paul

Profession: Bartender at Alexander Michael's

He's known for pouring a perfect pint of Guinness. Mountain-man sexy, he'll tend to your heart like he does his tavern.

Why do people lust after you?

It would probably have to be my soccer-mom haircut.

What song do you rock out hardest to in the shower?

The first two lines of "Love on the Rocks" by Neil Diamond: "Love on the rocks, ain't a big surprise/Pour me a drink and I'll tell you some lies."

How much do your most expensive jeans cost?

Twenty-five bucks. I only wear Levis. I couldn't pull anything else off.

Would you save George Bush from a burning house fire if he were screaming out your name for help?

Humanely, yes; but I don't really care for him.

Where can we find you on a Saturday night?

I'm usually here, and when I'm off, I shouldn't be let out of the house. I tend to go overboard.

What's the best show you've ever seen?

Radiohead at Stone Mountain during the Kid A tour. It was in the meadows and intimate.

What's your pet peeve?

People who bitch.

Do you collect anything cool?

Bone. It started with this skeleton figure made out of monkey bones. Then people started bringing me bone things when they went on vacations.

Please outline a clear exit strategy for the American troops in Iraq.

I still don't know what they're doing over there in the first place.

If you could ask me one question what would it be?

What was the last movie you saw?

Being John Malkovich. What about you?

I watched Buster Keaton's The General while listening to the Pyramid album.

How much can you bench?

500 pounds.

Of the following three people, pick one you would have sex with, one you would marry and one you would throw off a cliff: Oprah, Paris, Medusa.

Is this the hot Medusa?

Well, you die if you look at her, but sure.

Then I'll have to throw her off the cliff. I'd marry Oprah for the money, and I guess I would sleep with Paris.

Do girls poop?

Oh, yeah.

Name: Karen

• Angus Lamond
• Karen

Profession: Owner of Jordannos

This Lust Lister has it all: ambition, style, spunk, cuteness and an unlimited wardrobe.

Why do people lust after you?

I think people are more intrigued by me. I have a lot in my life I have to accomplish. I'm always doing something. I'm not lazy. I'm constantly working. I personally don't think lust comes from only looks.

Does size matter ... in terms of muscles?

It's nice to have someone who doesn't look like a 50-year-old man when they're only 30. But it's not really that important; it's an added bonus.

What song do you rock out hardest to in the shower?

I'm more of a booty-music person. I grew up in south Florida where it was 2 Live Crew and Run DMC. There's not one particular song, but definitely dance music.

What's your favorite Halloween costume of all-time?

I'm obsessed with Grease. I could disgust people with how many times I'd watch it if you allowed me to watch it. One year I dressed up exactly like Sandy. I looked like her to the T. My mom even sewed the outfit on me just like Olivia Newton John.

What's the worst pick-up line you've ever heard?

At the gym, sometimes guys come up and say, "Smile." And you just look at them like, "Is that your best line?" You want to say, "Idiot, I'm working out. Smiling is what the girls who wear make-up to the gym do."

What's the scariest thing you can think of?

Growing up, my biggest fear was being chased down the street by an alligator. I used to prepare myself and ask my dad the best way to avoid them. They run in zigzags. Or they can't run in zigzags, I can't remember.

How much can you bench?

I don't do weights like that anymore because I'm only five feet tall and I tend to bulk up very easily. But I would guess 75 pounds.