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Love In A time warp

In NC, you can be sued by a lover's ex for "alienation of affection" -- a law most states have abolished as antiquated

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"They help to protect marriages and families by providing for some type of relief or consequence when someone intentionally destroys a family," Brown said. "In that sense, these claims can be a force supportive of moral standards. They provide a consequence when you violate those moral standards."

Brown agrees that the laws are sometimes misused as a negotiation tool during domestic cases between spouses, but disagrees with the criticism that the law treats women like chattel.

"The claim goes both ways," Brown said. "A husband can file a lawsuit against someone who has had an affair with a wife, and a wife can file suit against someone for having an affair with her husband. It deals evenly with both sexes. I'm not aligned with one camp or another. It's a matter for the legislature. They must decide whether or not the existence of these claims causes harm and does not operate to provide some support for the family units in this state."

Tom Bush, who is representing Dr. Presser in the lawsuit, says that while the laws may provide some deterrent to extramarital affairs, they have many drawbacks.

"These laws have become a burden to the judicial system," Bush said. "Most of these cases are filed in NC's Superior Court, which is inundated with criminal prosecutions and people with substantial injuries. These alienation cases clog the court docket. Second, they tend to be used primarily as bargaining power in domestic relations cases. Third, this law evolved from the concept that a woman was no different than a mule or tractor -- just a piece of property. So it weighs against the current notion as to the ability of woman to fend for themselves. Fourth, when a marriage breaks up, it's generally pretty difficult to say it was because an interloper came in and seduced away a spouse. When you get that far down the road that's usually a symptom of the disease, not the disease itself."

Bush adds that domestic relations courts already have a remedy in place for adultery. "If, under NC law, one spouse commits adultery during the marriage and the other does not, there is an automatic mandate that the supporting spouse must pay alimony," Bush said. "If it is the dependent spouse -- usually the wife -- she is barred by law from receiving alimony. So we do have a remedy. There are already provisions."

Guilty of LoveKaren and Bill met at a party through a mutual friend. They dated for about a year before they got married. Shortly after their three-year anniversary, they started to grow apart. Bill eventually moved out and got his own apartment. Karen said she was heartbroken.

"I felt so vulnerable and dependent and scared," Karen said. "I had a baby due in a few months; I loved him. I believed in our marriage vows. I wanted it to work so bad."

While he was married, Bill had hired Susan to work in his office, and the two became friends. Once Bill separated from his wife in 2001, he said he and Susan grew closer, became romantically involved in early 2002, and eventually moved in together.

"Susan and I just started hanging out," Bill said. "The funny thing about separation is all your friends divide. Susan was one of the few people I knew who didn't have a relationship with my ex. It was nice to have support on my side."

Karen contends Bill's romantic relationship with Susan began before they separated, a contention both Bill and Susan deny. Karen said that as it became increasingly evident to her that Bill had engaged in this other relationship, her attorney asked if she'd like to sue Susan under the alienation of affection law. Karen said yes.

"I filed the lawsuit because I felt like I was being stepped all over and bulldozed," Karen said. "I know it isn't all her fault, but she had full knowledge we were married. She knew I had a young child, and that I was pregnant. There has to be some consequences for her actions -- actions that she knowingly and willfully committed against me and my family and the institution of marriage. You can't just go around and ruin families without some kind of consequence. This law allows me to say what you did was wrong, and you're going to have to pay for it."

When Susan was served with the papers back in May, both she and Bill say they were shocked.

"It's so farfetched," Bill said. "It's easy for someone on the outside to look at our situation and say, "Oh, I know what's going on here. This guy took off from his marriage and two kids for a younger woman. Even my family felt that way for awhile. But that's just not what happened. But what are you supposed to do? Explain your life story to everyone you meet?