The lamest duck: "I never thought I'd ever say this, South Carolina has the right idea. ... Last week the law enforcement agencies in York county held a press conference basically telling the criminals in Mecklenburg County that if they cross the boarder, they're going to get a legal foot in the ass."

Race week: "Time to celebrate a nearly all-white and all-male sport that burns incredible amounts of fossil fuels, is loud enough to make the ground in and around the Speedway tremble, has sold out its downhome roots for high ticket prices and luxury boxes, and is routinely laden with cheesy pro-war displays ... Excuse me while I do something -- anything -- else."

R. Kelly in court: "I'm sure that he's wishing he could fly right now, but must finally stand trial and face the music. Let's see if he is able to bump and grind his way out of this pickle."

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