Dear Karma Cleanser:
I realize this is a little unusual, but I thought I'd give it a shot. I came across this letter posted on a gay sex site. It was totally out of place there, so I thought I'd do the guy a favor and pass his note along to someone who could maybe help. Here's the letter:
"My partner and I have been together for five years now and he has cheated on me with other guys several times. There was a understanding that we didn't sleep with other guys, period. I then gave in a little and it changed to, 'We can't sleep with other guys unless we're together while it happens.'
He says he wants to be with me and he loves me very much, however he broke up with me so that he could sleep with a friend of his. Now we're trying to make things work, but he can't promise me that he won't sleep with other people, in particular the guy and his partner he broke up with me to sleep with. He, along with many gay men, think it's okay to have sex with other men and call it just sex because it 'doesn't mean anything.' I'm sorry, but in my eyes, this is not what a relationship is, straight, gay, or anything.
Do I just accept that he wants to sleep around and learn to cope with it, or do I really just need to let go and move on in hopes of finding someone who really understands the meaning of relationship?"
-- Dante's Cove
Curious situation, Dante. We can't help but question your motives for sending his letter along to us. Perhaps you were hoping to cleanse your own karma for the naughty stuff that ensued from the site?
To the letter writer we would say: Stop trying to change your former partner. He seems fine with wide open sexual boundaries. Good for him. Let him go sow those wild oats until he's too old for even the call boys to pretend to care. That doesn't mean you have to take part in the bacchanal. Relationship, as you see it, means monogamy -- which also means it's time to find someone who shares your values. No hard feelings are necessary. Wish your ex well on his journey. He's taught you something meaningful about yourself. But the next time you need advice, please, don't go posting on a sex site!
Dear Karma Cleanser:
It's Mother's Day and I'm angry with my mother. She's never there for me when I need her. I would like to stop talking to her altogether, but I think if I stopped talking to her now, I'd bring a lot of bad karma into my life. Am I wrong?
-- The Son Also Rises
Ouch. Son, we all have mama issues. Get thee to therapy. In the meantime, write us more about what it is that your mother does to needle you.
Been bad? firstname.lastname@example.org.