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Karma Cleanser

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Dear Karma Cleanser:

A colleague of mine was in my cubicle bragging about how big his iPod is. This guy is a total show-off anyway, always trying to make the other kids feel inferior. So he hands me his iPod and I'm holding it while he's showing me some porno video and, well, I don't honestly know what happened next. There was a crash and then, no iPod. I guess the earphone chord was snagged on the side of my desk or something, because the thing flew out of my hands and hit the floor with a thud.

My co-worker started cursing and picked up the 'Pod -- only to find that it no longer works. Now he blames me for this. He has not asked me to buy him a new one, although I am guessing this is coming soon. What should I do? I worry that if I don't reimburse him, my own iPod (which is now three years old) will spontaneous explode one day, or that my karma will somehow suffer otherwise. Advice?
-- Not His Ear Bud



We'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that such accidents do happen. Your iPod -- a virtual dinosaur, by today's standards! -- may give out soon, but don't attribute that to your slippery digits. Sounds like your co-worker got what he deserved for flashing around dirty flicks in the workplace. You know what they say about one bad Apple.

Dear Karma Cleanser:

I got trapped in an ice storm with nothing but a can of beans, an iron and a box of tic-tacs. Three days later, I clawed my way out and drove 40 miles to the nearest grocery store -- and had a flat tire on the way. A truckload of immigrant workers picked me up, but they didn't speak English so well and ended up driving me 100 miles past my destination. I finally escaped from their flatbed, and hitchhiked my way back to a cousin's house who lives near the Interstate. She wasn't home when I got to her house, having slipped on the ice and broken her hip. I broke into the house anyway and was just getting comfortable, when I realized that I was not alone. Her pet rottweiler smelled the salsa on my pants and attacked. I ended up in the same hospital as my relative, with stitches and a tetanus shot. Eventually a friend drove me home, where I found that a pipe had broken and flooded my basement. I'm still picking up the pieces, but I have to ask, why is karma so cruel?
-- Beans and Haters



Your problem isn't karma, it's your propensity for telling lies! You expect us to believe you have an e-mail address, but no cell phone? Save these fibs for the Fiction Contest, buddy.

Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.

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