Bad Habits » Karma Cleanser

Karma Cleanser


Dear Karma Cleanser:

Six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of six years and started to date -- all out of the same bars.

Five months later, I have been juggling four or five men and trying to play the game but I am having problems with the guys running into each other. I just found out that one saw me out with another and two saw me leave a bar with a third.

Am I just a girl sowing her wild oats? Or, maybe I'm about to get caught in a huge karma mistake? I'm going crazy trying to play this game. Help!

Too Many Men

We presented your problem to our takeout tonight (a Chinese/Thai medley -- delicious!), and the two fortune cookies responded in cryptic but judicious fashion. One said, "The nightlife is for me," which would imply a nod from the gods for more bar sluttery on your part. But the other cookie replied, "Reach for the high apples first." We take this to mean you should strive harder for quality over quantity with your newfound oats-sowing. Either way, at least mix it up better with your bar selection: Surely there are other gin joints you haven't preyed on yet?

Dear Karma Cleanser:

I live with a roommate (who I also, on occasion, have sex with) and we've been known to pass the bong around the room, if you get my drift. The other weekend his parents showed up at our apartment. They didn't call first. We panicked, and in my haze, I hid our "stash" in a bag in his bathroom. His parents stayed for a few hours then left, and we got the stuff out and things were fine.

The next week, he had to go on a trip to visit other family. This required a three-hour plane flight. After he got to his sister's house, he saw that some flakes of the pot had spilled out in his bathroom bag -- and he had traveled with it. He freaked and said I had tried to get him arrested. Nothing like this happened; he made it through security just fine.

But now I'm worried: Maybe I really did do this on purpose, because I'm not happy with our living (and sexual) arrangement? And now I'm deathly afraid of flying, in case he tries to take karma into his own hands and get me back.

Smoke Screen

Sounds to us like you're just being paranoid. Go figure. Seriously, though, maybe this incident should make you both reconsider not only where you hide the hemp, but also where you're hiding the salami. There's obviously some dysfunction going on in that apartment, and sharing the bong and a bed ain't gonna make anything better.

Been bad?

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