When we got home from the theater, we discovered that the kids' new puppy had run away. The sitter was in tears and the kids weren't much better. My wife immediately said it was me being an asshole in the theater that had caused this whole thing to happen.

My question is this: How did my basic request for courtesy lead to negative karma coming our way? Or am I missing something here? -- Judgment Day

What you're missing is the puppy, and perhaps a more realistic outlook on life that expects suburban megaplexes to be noisy and drama to ensue when a babysitter's involved. But it doesn't sound to us like your run-in with the teens was out of line, and your wife was wrong for immediately blaming you. Your biggest karmic offense, other than contributing to the career of a has-been like Arnold Schwarzenegger, was losing your temper. Don't sweat it. It happens.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
Price my best friend paid for our tickets to see the Ataris: $30 each. Price he paid for the six (!) beers he guzzled: $6 each. Amount of time he spent throwing up: 1.5 hours. The joy of seeing him miss his favorite band because of his own stupidity: priceless. -- Dry Heaves

Amount of time it took us to read your letter: 1 minute. The karmic impact of being such a vindictive "best" friend: ample. Originality points you get for ripping off an already tired commercial formula: 0.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
In reference to your reply to "Passing Lane" in the July 17 issue of Creative Loafing: Yes, maybe they showed maturity, but I'm a bit surprised that you didn't point out their cosmic smugness. Karma is not theirs to bestow on others, or ask for in the name of others. Karma simply is ... and will be. -- MD

Thanks, Yoda. But the "Passing Lane" duo do get props for having the good sense to try and make peace with the universe. That, to us, doesn't say smugness but maturity.

Been bad? karma@creativeloafing.com.