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Karma Cleanser

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Dear Karma Cleanser:
I made the mistake of putting a $180 coat on hold at one of those hoity-toity, better-than-thou designer clothing stores. I was reassured by a "sales associate" that they'd hold the coat under my name for 24 hours. When I went back the next day, I was told by a different woman, whom I believe owns the store and designs all the clothes in it, that the coat "had gotten sold. Sorry." But the woman wasn't sorry at all. She could give a shit because she has so many customers just dying to be seen in the crappy clothes she designs.

All I could do was silently vow to myself that I'd never set foot in the store again. Now I'm back to square one, searching the whole city for the perfect gift for my perfect girlfriend. Don't you think that some good karma should either come my way, or at least that something really awful happens to that cold-hearted bitch?-- Searching for justice

No need to wish disaster on this surly shopkeeper, because Retail Karma works in its own time. Suddenly one day the winds will shift and the bitchy fashionista will find her clothes going the way of acid-washed Levi's. Meanwhile, you should consider this incident as a gift from the gods, the universe's way of sparing you and your perfect girlfriend from being just another fashion victim.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I met this guy a couple of years ago and we became really close. At that time I was a wild child and no guy could tame me. But strangely, he started to like me. As the year went on I did him wrong repeatedly and he constantly encouraged me to get my shit together. Now I've got myself together and calmed down, and he doesn't like me anymore. And every other guy I meet or guys that try to hit on me just don't compare. I think my karma is being way too hard on me because now I can't get over him and I'm gaining weight. What do I do?-- Domesticated Date

Your story proves the Karma Cleanser's longstanding theory summing up all human relationships: We always want what we can't have. When you were a wild thing Mr. Stable saw you as an uncontrollable force. Now, you're just another chubby girl trying to get by. If you want to lure him again, don't be so available. We're not saying abandon stability. Instead, begin to think of yourself as a wild animal in charge of your own destiny. Once you do that, the men will fall all over you.

Been bad? Shed some light on your shadow-self: karma@creativeloafing.com.

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