Dear Karma Cleanser:
My girlfriend cheated on me and when I found out about it, she kicked me out of the house. I did not realize that the end would come like it did.
She had told me before that she felt neglected because I play in a band and I spend a lot of time either performing at gigs or practicing. But she knew that I was a musician when we got together. We met in a bar where I was playing. What was she expecting?
After we moved in together she started to become jealous of the females who come to see us perform. To get back at me for the girls who showed a little bit too much enthusiasm for our music, she started coming to our gigs, getting butt-face wasted and loudly flirting with guys in the bar. My buddies started calling her "Hedda," short for "head case."
Knowing that things couldn't go on with her acting that way, I broke up with her. She was a wreck and pleaded with me to give her another chance. She promised me she would go talk to a shrink and not get wasted at my shows anymore. We got back together and had a really great, psychosis-free few months together. But then, out of nowhere, she went and slept with one of our mutual friends. She didn't even try to keep me from finding out about it.
She claims that the guy made her feel better about herself and that the whole thing is technically my fault. Maybe if I had a uterus, her logic would make sense to me, but I don't, and it doesn't. Enlighten me, oh wise Karma, what did I do to deserve this?
-- Stupid Boy
We'll agree with Hedda: The whole thing is your fault. Not the cheating, but your choice to stick with someone whose every action screams, "I'm a bottomless pit of need!" The drama of a relationship like that can be addictive; it's thrilling to tap dance along the lip of the abyss now and then. But the chicks who get sloppy drunk and use jealousy as a weapon rarely turn out to be good roommates, let alone girlfriends. Learn to listen to your friends. If nothing else, you can use the experience as fodder for song lyrics.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
(In response to "Coming Up for Air," Feb. 6): I wish you would have included an additional suggestion for the guy. He needs to the tell the girl he slept with to get tested for STDs. Maybe she doesn't know she has one and she is unknowingly spreading it to her sexual partners!
-- Sexual Karma
Good advice. And with that, we promise not to run any more letters about "Coming Up for Air." Our discussion of this single ill-fated one-night-stand has lasted longer than most relationships!
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