Dear Karma Cleanser:
Let me tell you my situation. I'm 33 years old. I've been with a woman for 13 years. We're not married but have three beautiful kids together. We were staying in New York where I had a wonderful career. Then I decided to move to Charlotte because my extended family was moving, and the area I grew up in had lost its appeal (gangs, drugs, crime, etc.). Since moving five years ago, I can honestly say Charlotte really hasn't been good to me or my family. My credit is very bad, and I have no money.
I have a really nasty habit of starting something but never finishing it, and my woman is fed up. Our relationship since being here in Charlotte has been a roller coaster ride that has officially come to an abrupt stop. Things were said between us in the heat of the moment. She dumped me. Now I'm staying in our apartment until I get a job and get my own place.
I'm not like other guys who cheat or sell drugs or who have been in and out of jail. I want to do right by her and my children. We both have dreams of owning a home and living a happy life. Now I've been crossed out of the equation. It's easy to tell another person in the same situation I'm in to "just let it go," but now it's becoming more apparent to me it's hard to let go.
I love her and I will always love her, but the thought of her being with another man really is making me feel nauseous as I write this letter. I feel so lost without her and if I can't have her I want nothing at all. Why has this bad Charlotte karma been affecting me so hard? What have I done to deserve this?
-- Lost Without Her
It's easy to blame bad luck on a city, but also misguided, like saying, "The camaro I drive is ugly; therefore, I got lost on the Interstate." We're going to go out on a ledge here and posit that your problem lies in your admitted lack of follow-through. And staying with one person for 13 years is a mighty hard undertaking, especially if you got together at the tender age of 17. No wonder you can't imagine life without her.
But back to the camaro, er, your karma. You've said you don't want to hear, "Just let go," so how about, "Just put it on a shelf." Move out, get a job, stick with it, but keep communicating with your partner and stay involved with the kids. Show her you can do this on your own. Your karma belongs to you, not Charlotte, and now's the time to take the wheel again. Your ex may reclaim her spot in the passenger seat, or she may not. Either way, you're going to be fine.
Been bad? firstname.lastname@example.org.