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Is this relationship divine or bedeviled?



I am in desperate need. I have been dating a guy for two years. We're both 25, and we love each other a lot. He's sexy as hell (half Asian, quarter Native, quarter black -- he's divine), we connect, he's funny, upbeat, and honest. Unfortunately, we have a recurring fight (once or twice a month), and I wonder if we will ever resolve this issue. He likes the attention of other women. The fight goes like this: He will do something borderline inappropriate with some chick right in front of me (most recently, he had 30 consecutive drunk-posts on Facebook with some 19-year-old he met through his roommate), and I will get pissed and hurt. I approach him calmly and say that it feels disrespectful and I hope that one day we will come to an agreement on this issue. He swears that it is all in my head and that I work myself up over nothing. But he KNOWS it hurts my feelings, and my hurt is made worse because he is disregarding my feelings. He usually gets mad, says he "didn't do anything wrong" and he "can't talk to me anymore," and then I won't hear from him for a day or so.

I have friends telling me that this is a deal breaker and that I am being emotionally abused. I don't know if I believe that -- I think he just needs to work on boundaries. I just had a "come to Jesus" talk with the boy, and he still feels like he didn't cross any lines and refuses to apologize. But to make me feel guilty, he said he will "never post anything on another girl's Facebook page ever again." That's not what I wanted. Now my face hurts from crying, and I want someone sane to tell me which way is up. Whose side are you on? I would actually be happier if you told me that I was crazy and controlling, because altering my own attitude is a lot easier than trying to get through to him.

Pleeeeeease help.

Hurting In Oregon

I'm not on anyone's side in this dispute, HIO. You sound like an insecure, passive-aggressive guilt tripper, and the boyfriend sounds like an inconsiderate flirt. You've been having the same fight twice a month for two years. Enough already. If the sex, the connection, and his race-based divinity don't compensate for the flirting, end this relationship. If they do, HIO, stay with him -- but only if you can stop policing his interactions with other women and stop bitching about the flirting to him, to your friends, and to me.

I'm a hetero girl in my 20s. I love masturbating and find myself really good at it, but a lot of the time I get nothing from hetero porn. Usually it's because I can't stand the girls' annoying voices. So I rely on gay porn instead, even when I'm reading erotica. I tend to go for what you gay guys call "twinks." (Who the hell is a twink, technically speaking? Please don't tell me it's anything statutory!) I'm not really concerned, I'm just curious: Is this a common problem? I now get really intrigued when I meet gay guys in real life because I get off to so many gay men in porn. I would love to watch two twinks in reality at some point, but I'm not sure if any gay guys would ever be into that.

Twink Lover

Twinks are boyish gay men -- boyish men, not boyish boys -- in their late teens to mid-20s with slim-to-slightly-muscular bodies and relatively hairless chins, chests, crotches, etc. So long as you're getting your live-action porn from reputable porn sites and companies, TL, you don't have anything to worry about on the statutory front.

As for watching a couple of twinks go at it, there are lots of bisexual twinks out there -- perhaps you could date one and have the odd three-way with others? There are also, without a doubt, some twink gay couples out there as turned on by the idea of some straight girl watching them go at it as you are turned on by the idea of watching a couple of twinks go at it. And thanks to the World Wide Interfluffer, finding them -- or renting them -- is easier than ever.

CONFIDENTIAL TO CANADA: Apparently, a hockey team of yours recently triumphed over some other nation's hockey team, and one of the stars of your hockey team -- the guy who scored Canada's first goal in the final and all-important match -- has the same last name as Vic Toews. So out of respect for Jonathan Toews -- and Canadian author Miriam Toews -- we will not be redefining "Toews." Maybe we could redefine "Jason Kenney" instead?

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