It's 2 a.m. -- last call for alcohol! You don't have to go home, but you do have to get the hell out of the bar.
So where are we going? I don't know about you, but I'm freakin' hungry at this point in the evening ...
Where's an Uptown girl to go to eat under the influence and coat the beer belly? Unless you get to Fuel Pizza and Pita Pit a good 30 minutes before last call, you'll be standing in line until you're sober.
You can go to Waffle House, IHOP or the Jack in the Box drive-thru, but that requires too much effort. Not to mention that between seeing fights, arrests and awkward redneck displays of indecent exposure, every late night trip to the Waffle Dump-Crack House makes you feel like you're in a scene from a reality show: Waffle House Confessions. Last time I was on that show, my waitress spilled my food all over me because she was distracted by her argument with another waitress. Turns out that steaming hot grease isn't a good look for me. Meanwhile, our meal was interrupted first by a Creepy McCreepster who just sat down at our table, then by a body being flung on top of our table in the midst of a waffle war.
So, the best option is to just go Hom. Hom as in Feast, the restaurant sandwiched between Liv and Play. Feast is open until 4 a.m. serving their full menu. And unlike most food places open at that hour, the food tastes good when you're sober, too.
Feast serves sandwiches with fancy spreads and tapas-type fancy fare as opposed to hashbrowns covered and smothered; they actually don't fry anything -- not even the French fries. You can't get a stack of pancakes as a side item like at IHOP, but you can get crepes of all kinds -- say, chicken or strawberry chocolate. And they make everything right there in front of you, diner style.
But Uptown still needs a real diner, equipped with a fry daddy and a breakfast menu. Perhaps that's an idea for the cursed corner where Daddy's and Twist once thrived (kinda thrived, that is). Can someone please get on that, and stat?
Speaking of eating under the influence, I am giving away free food on Thursdays. And it's food that doesn't just taste good because it's free, either.
After Alive After Five, the Creative Lounging after-party at Tilt will be giving away free food from Bellacino's Pizza and Grinders. Every time I say that, I want to break out into the chorus of Adam Sandler's "Lunchlady Land." But I promise I'll refrain from doing so if you come to Tilt.