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Going Down In Defeat

Voters flush the frothy mix

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I wanted to congratulate you on playing a big part in Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum's humiliating defeat. The Santorum euphemism made the man a joke in the eyes of many, many voters. It feels good, doesn't it? But I can't help feeling that it's wrong for me to feel a sense of schadenfreude watching his stuffy kids cry onstage. He makes outrageous, illogical statements regarding homosexuality; and I can laugh at his weeping progeny. That's OK, right?

--Finally Finally Finally

I've been deluged with e-mails -- thousands of e-mails -- thanking me for Rick Santorum's defeat. I did my part, but I can't claim the credit for his defeat. I mean, come on.

But one person did get it right: Four years ago, Savage Love readers -- the new definition of "santorum" was a reader's idea -- set a single stone in motion. While Santorum would have been defeated even without a filthy, lowercase definition of his last name floating around out there, having a name that can barely be mentioned in polite company anymore didn't help. So effective was our "frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex" campaign that the editor of the National Review was fuming about it in a column published on Election Day itself. We helped to make Rick Santorum into a national laughingstock -- with an invaluable assist from Rick Santorum, of course.

The political power of satire should never be underestimated. There's a reason monarchs and despots once locked up cartoonists and satirists. Being made ridiculous? That's politically disempowering fairy dust.

However, the real credit and mad props, as the kids once said, go to the people of Pennsylvania. You wiped Santorum from the floor of the U.S. Senate, and a grateful nation salutes you! Bravo! Well done! (Electing him in the first place? Not so well done. But all is forgiven.)

As for Santorum's kids, well, once again we're put in the position of having to feel sorry for the offspring -- the oddly attired offspring -- of a delusional bigot. But just how bad should we feel? I remember listening to the radio when Santorum said something obnoxious about gay couples: An anti-gay-marriage amendment was a homeland-security measure, Santorum said, which makes gay couples terrorists. My son, who happens to be the same age as Santorum's younger daughter (the one weeping and clutching a doll in that widely circulated photo), was in the room at the time and he got pretty upset. So, yeah, we should all feel bad for Santorum's kids -- what kind of parent drags a sobbing child in front of the national media? -- but let's also feel bad for all the other kids that Santorum hurt.

So is that all the gloating I intend to do over Rick Santorum? Nope. For a full-throated gloat-a-thon, go to www.thestranger.com/savage/ricksantorum.

I'm a GGG (good, giving and game) woman and I'm fat. I don't have a problem with my fatness and neither do the guys I have been with. However, I do have a problem with this: I can find tons of men who want to fuck me, but none who want to date me. All the boys I find are willing to worship me in the confines of the boudoir, but out in public they act like they don't want to be seen with me. I'm not even asking for PDA -- I generally dislike PDA -- but hanging out and occasionally going out after sexing it up would be grand. Are all fat-girl-loving guys pussies?

--No More Dater Haters

Not all, NMDH, but almost all of the young ones.

Until about, oh, age 30 or so, most men aren't secure enough in their own sexuality -- and I'm talking about 100 percent heterosexual guys here -- to do or say anything that might out themselves to their friends as anything other than "normal." Guys who wanna wear panties or tie up girls or get pissed on can pursue their kinks without having to reveal anything about their sexuality to their friends. So long as they date girls who are either completely discreet or just as fearful of exposure, their secrets are safe. But a guy into fat women isn't so lucky -- if he's seen with you in public, NMDH, he's going to have some explaining to do.

This completely pansy-assed fear of not being perceived as "normal" results in many straight men dating and, in some tragic instances, marrying women their friends find attractive -- or so they assume -- and not women they themselves find attractive. But there's only so long a man can go on boning Nicole Richie when what he really wants is to bone someone your size. Eventually these guys come to the realization that a lifetime of sexual frustration is a high price to pay for "normal" cred.

A new Savage Love podcast is available for download every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage. To ask Dan Savage a question, write to mail@savagelove.net.

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