Hey, everybody: two things ...
First: A couple of weeks ago, the GOP officially "denounced" me. Because the nation is at peace, Americans are going back to work, and the climate situation is completely under control — so, hey, why not go after the gay dude who writes that smutty sex column and gives Rick Santorum fits?
Second: A Savage Love reader recently denounced me for failing to devote any recent column inches to my readers' titillating anecdotes. As I hate disappointing a reader, I invited folks to send in their dirty/sexy vacation stories. Here are a few.
I was 15 and on vacation in Cape Cod. Beaches never did anything for me, so I went back to the hotel. On my way, I ran into another teenager, a girl. I struck up a conversation and was surprised to hear her answer in a British accent. Like myself, she was bored as hell. I invited her to my hotel room to get high. I make my move, which she goes along with. We're both naked when I get an awful idea. Being young and ripped, I vocalize it without considering the outcome: "What if you pretend to be Hermione Granger?" This was about the time of the fourth movie release, and I had a big crush on Emma Watson. As soon as the words left my lips, I knew that I wasn't getting laid that day. But I got laid that day.
The Wander Years
When I was 15, my very lenient parents took me and two of my girlfriends to one of those all-inclusive resorts in Mexico. We partied and drank with some nice Mexican boys we met on the beach. On our final night, we all downed a bunch of flaming shots. I ended up falling through a second-story window and cutting my head pretty badly, one of my girlfriends and I got into a drunken fistfight, and then I lost my virginity on the beach to one of those nice Mexican boys. I woke up the next morning with a hangover, drunken shits, and a pussy full of sand. The plane ride back was miserable ... but, oh, what a memory.
In the Provincetown dunes, my BF and I met another couple with the same first names as ours. They invited us to their campsite later that night. That's when I learned four is the tangle threshold — four bodies can literally get so tangled you have to stop to undo yourselves. They had a little propane lamp, and as we were leaving, we could see their shadows from outside the tent — meaning we had just done a four-way shadow show for everyone in the campsite.
Thanks for sharing, vacationers. Your regularly scheduled sex advice returns next week — now go Google "santorum," everybody.
sex on vacation