• visitlondonimages/britainonview
• BOW DOWN: London

You pressed your snooze button at least nine times before you dragged yourself out of bed and went to work. You leave the office to go home and watch reruns of The Office. Your idea of a vacation is going to Myrtle Beach, Asheville or eating potato salad at your family reunion. You need to get away -- and fast.

But you don't want to be just another tourist walking through Times Square, strolling Rodeo Drive, and touring Buckhead, do you? You call that a getaway? You've been sitting at the cool kids' table waaaay too long for that. You want to rub the underbelly of a town with your own hand, and -- sweaty and grimy though it may be -- here's the down and dirty.

As always, Creative Loafing is here to save you from the boredom and burnout of your same ole, same ole. We've consulted a gaggle of resident experts in five getaway cities and asked them to spit their picks for good music, sweet eats, best bargains and where to shake your tambourine. So before you book that Best Western suite in Raleigh, check out some much cooler ways to get out of town.

JULIE DEXTER'S LONDON

Everyone needs an English accent. It makes you smarter, richer and it gives you instant credibility. Look at Harry Potter. Prince William. The Beatles. Try adding "proper" or "bloody" to the end of a sentence and see if your popularity doesn't increase a few notches. What better way to hone your English accent skills than a wicked trip to London?

Jazz, soul and bossa nova crooner/songwriter Julie Dexter was born and bred in Birmingham. England that is. "If you're bored in London, there's something wrong with you," she said, in an accent that would make even the most rebellious, split verb stand corrected. Don't be late for tea as Julie schools you on the ways of the English:

Best place to hear live music

• Soul vocalist Julie Dexter

"Jazz Café in Camden, London. It's intimate enough that you can see a concert and connect with an artist. D'Angelo, Erykah Badu, Don Blackmon, Musiq Soulchild, Jaguar Wright, India.Arie, and Jill Scott have all performed there. Good sound system, great stage, restaurant, bar, everything under one roof."

Best place for nightlife

"West London and the broken beat scene. They have DJs who are current and cutting edge, like Co-op, Daz-i-que, IG Culture, Phil Asher and Mark Clive DeLowe. If you like mainstream stuff, go to the Square or the Hippodrome to get a drink and get your dance on."

Best place to eat

"I go to Pizza Express for good wine, pizza and dessert. I also go to Wagamama for Chinese. It's simple, contemporary, but good food. Noodle bowls are their main feature."

Best shopping

"West End, everything's there. They have bargain stores on side streets, and it's trendy and funky. Nice leather jackets, jeans, funky shoes, a nice bag, you can get all of that in the West End. You can also get some funky and different things in Camden. You can bargain people down at the market on Portobello Road, if you have cash on you. There's also a market on Roman Road in East London where you can get some good knock-offs."

Places to avoid

"Be cautious and careful. Stick to main roads. There's nowhere I would say, 'don't go there it's awful.' Trouble is everywhere."

Places you must see

"Buckingham Palace, the cathedrals, churches and the London Eye, a fairly new attraction where you can get a good view of the city. It can get pretty pricey, so try to find ways where you can cut costs as much as you can. Check out Hyde Park -- it's like what Central Park is to New York. You can sit and read a magazine, and it's a beautiful park with water and ducks, where kids can play."

GRANT HENRY'S ATLANTA 

• Jim Stawniak
• ATL-IENS INVADE: Atlanta

Take your grandmother's Jesus (the one in the painting with the brown, shaggy hair and I-could-never-hurt-a-fly eyes). Add a bold, blue caption like "Jesus Loves Gays" or "I Died for Elvis," and you've got the mind-altering art of Sister Louisa (aka Grant Henry). In the name of his drag alter ego, an excommunicated nun named Louisa, Henry creates art that offends, comforts and inspires.

As a resident visual artist, thrift store aficionado, and collector of all things Jesus, Henry wants to show you the true soul of Atlanta:

Best place to hear live music

"I love the Tabernacle. It's sort of an inside amphitheater. It's old timey and you can get close to the stage. I like the sound because it's very loud and you feel like you're right there. For a smaller venue, I like the Earl because you feel like you're sitting there with the people."

Best place for nightlife

"Ponce de Leon Avenue. It's fun to go from MJQ, across the street to Model T's and see the bad drag queens, and then to the Clairmont Lounge. Also, the Laughing Skull Lounge in the Vortex on Peachtree has some wild, one-of-a-kind, way-out-there, memorable stuff going on! Check out the Lucky Yates show and the Dames Aflame show."

Best place to eat

"For breakfast I love the Majestic and Thumbs Up Diner. It's real food, not greasy food. I don't care what time of day it is, Thumbs Up will make me the best grilled chicken salad in America. Eats is also great because you can have a pasta day or a chicken day."

Best shopping

• Artist Grant Henry

"Atlanta has the greatest thrift shops. I got a new $400 Prada shirt for $19 from a thrift store here. You can get designer furniture, clothes, funky stuff and art. Check out Cathedral of St. Philip Thrift House on Piedmont and the Junior League's Nearly New Thrift Shop. The one that has the biggest influx of stuff is The Step Up Society on Ponce de Leon and Monroe. If they are getting a truckload they'll mark everything down to 99 cents."

Places to avoid

"Atlantic Station and anything outside the Perimeter. I can't cope with it. Atlanta has such soul, and I just don't find soul there."

Places you must see

"Sister Louisa's Art Gallery! Go to a coffee shop and you'll find people who have been in Atlanta forever and they'll tell you the things to do in their neighborhood. On Freedom Parkway you can ride a bicycle from downtown to Stone Mountain. Ride MARTA to the Inman Park station and walk around for three hours, where you can see old Victorian homes and bungalows. My favorite spot in Atlanta is Springvale Park in the middle of Inman Park. You can walk to some fabulous restaurants from there, like Fritti, Inman Perk, and The Albert."

FAT DAVE'S NEW YORK

• Cabbie/foodie Famous Fat Dave

Famous Fat Dave -- aka Dave Freedenberg -- is a pickle connoisseur. If you've ever wondered where you can get the best pickle in New York ... OK maybe you've never wondered, but Dave's got all the pickle particulars. He knows hot dogs, pizza slices, Belgian waffles, bagels and gelato. A New York cabbie turned foodie, Freedenberg knows his city and his cuisine. For $100 and up, you can experience more of New York than just Times Square on a Famous Fat Dave Food Tour. Pack an empty stomach and a huge appetite, as Dave divulges the perfect recipe for a trip to the Big Apple:

Best place to hear live music

"There is a place in Harlem on St. Nicholas Avenue called St. Nick's Pub. They play jazz all night long the way I imagine it used to be. Every time I've gone, it's been a jam session. It's the sort of place where some of the old timers dress and dance like Cab Calloway, and people get up on stage and sing or play their hearts out to about a dozen people at 2 a.m."

Best place for nightlife

"My favorite spot is called Anyway Café. They've got a couple out in Brooklyn -- one on Oriental Avenue (one of my favorite names for any street in New York) and another on Gravesend Neck Road (another favorite name) -- but I usually end up at the one on 2nd Avenue and 2nd Street (the nexus of the universe). It's a Russian place with some tasty crepes and caviar and good live music like accordions and jazz. They serve all flavors of infused vodkas like plum and lychee so it tastes like you are drinking a mixed drink, but you aren't."

Best place to eat

"This is like asking me which is my favorite family member. I really can't answer that because I love so many of them for so many different reasons. If I have to choose one, I'll say Guss' Pickles on the sidewalk on Orchard Street in the Lower East Side because I used to work there. I worked there so I could eat pickles free."

Best shopping

"My girlfriend does her shopping at the little boutiques on Spring Street and Prince Street between Broadway and Sixth Avenue in SoHo. But I kind of shut down when people start talking to me about shopping so I don't pay attention. If you are talking about shopping for food, go to Bleecker Street between 6th and 7th Avenues. In a street about a fifth of a mile long, you can get some of the best meats in town at Ottomanelli, some of the best Italian sausage in town at Faicco's, and some of the best cheese in the WORLD at Murray's Cheese (I used to work there too so I could eat the cheese). Also, there's a great bakery called Amy's Bread with sourdoughs for $1. There's a fishmonger called Lobster Place that makes its own sushi, and there are twin Italian pastry shops that have been there forever called Bruno and Rocco's." (Rocco's hand pipes their cannoli, Bruno does not.)

Places to avoid

"I try to avoid Times Square because of all the traffic -- both foot traffic and car traffic. It'll drive you crazy if you try to go through there on your way somewhere."

Places you must see

"You must see City Island. It looks like a lost New England fishing village but it's in the Bronx. It's so different from the rest of the Bronx even the accent is a little different. People there act like it's a small town; sometimes waving to strangers they pass on the street. If you think you could never live in New York City, see City Island first. You might mean you could never live in midtown Manhattan. And there are seafood restaurants wall to wall. The best one is called Arties' Steak and Seafood."

YUN BAI'S L.A.

Los Angeles is like an episode of Desperate Housewives. It has gossip, romance, botox, glamour and plenty of ridiculous cliffhangers. Three things you must do when you go to L.A.? Learn to make a "W" with your hand by crossing your two middle fingers together to rep for the westside, rent a car (public transportation will get you nowhere fast), and go to a beach to see real water that isn't a lake, pond, or sprinkler. Try not to get a sunburn as contemporary visual artist Yun Bai shows you the other side of La-La Land:

• Artist Yun Bai

Best place to hear live music

"In the Silverlake/Echo Park area, Echo Lounge has good alternative bands for the younger crowd. It's an up-and-coming artsy neighborhood like Brooklyn. It's a bohemian hipster neighborhood; good shopping for the hipster not into designer prices."

Best place for nightlife

"Clubs close around 2:30 a.m. so L.A. is not a friendly city for clubs, but bars are all over. In Hollywood, there will probably be a $20 cover charge, and they might not let you in depending on how you look, kind of like the Studio 54 days. I recommend Star Shoes Bar and Beauty Bar [during the day it's a nail salon at night it's a bar]. The Sky Bar is beautiful. It's shee-shee, poo poo, but you get a beautiful view of the city. Downtown, the Mountain Bar is really cool. It's low- key and they have no cover. Anything Hollywood and to the East will be less pricey. In West L.A., Mickey's is 21 and over. It's free, with hot, fine, steaming guys dancing on bars in minimal clothes. All the dancers there are gay, but it's great for a girls' night or a bachelorette party."

Best place to eat

"Yamato's has really good sushi. Best sushi I've had in my life. Chinatown has Foo-Chow, which is great Chinese. Jackie Chan just filmed Rush Hour 3 there. Look for places that have an "A" rating. They have to post their rating on the window in L.A., so look for that."

Best shopping

"Melrose is fun to walk around and go window shopping. As a tourist, you can't miss what L.A.'s known for: Beverly Hills, Barney's, Saks, Louis Vutton, Marc Jacobs' boutique, Betsey Johnson's Boutique and Rodeo Drive for bling bling. Go to Venice for knick knacks. For cheap stuff, go downtown where you can bargain. Everything's wholesale down there and everything's cheap."

Places to avoid

"Do not go anywhere south of 18th Street; it gets hood and that's all gang. You don't wanna do that. Downtown can also be a little shady at night."

Places you must see

"The Getty Museum is free and it's only $8 for parking. The weather is unbelievable! It gets hot during the day, but it's always cold at night so bring a few longsleeve shirts. You should also see Hollywood, Highlands, the Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Museum of Contemporary Art, Venice, and Beverly Hills."

TANYA REED'S CHICAGO

• Mark Montgomery
• CITY OF WINDBREAKERS: Chicago

There's more to Chicago than scoring a ticket to Oprah and hoping this will be the day she gives away a Pontiac to everyone in the audience. Don't sleep -- The City of Wind has arts, architecture, mafia connections and an age-old hot dog/pizza argument with New York City. In Chicago, you can take a train, bus, trolley, ferry or a pair of sneakers to experience the city. Jazz vocalist Tanya Reed tells a few of Chicago's secrets:

Best place to hear live music

"All Grant Park festivals sponsored by Mayor Daley's office, the Choir Academy Charter School of Chicago Annual Concerts, House of Blues, the Negro League Café and HotHouse."

Best place for nightlife

"Sonotheque or Visionz on the South Side. Thursday nights are hosted by Raymond Ramzy at Visionz. See who the DJs and promoters are. The best and hardest working DJs in the city are Twilite Tone, Mark Fulla Flava, Andre Hatchett, Timbuck2, DJinc, and DJ Question. They play pop and top 40, but they also play music with eclectic cutting-edge sounds, house, and hip-hop to give you a fun, unpredictable dance experience."

Best place to eat

• Jazz singer Tanya Reed

"There's a café on the South Side in Bronzeville that is great; it's called Munchies, Leonas, Tropical Jerk Chicken on 79th in King Drive, Tamarind for sushi in the South Loop, and Sweet Potatoes Café in Bronzeville on 47th Street."

Best shopping

"I like to shop in Wicker Park at little boutiques because you get original stuff for great prices."

Places to avoid

"In Chicago it's not the place, it's usually the promoter or management that shape your experience."

Places you must see

"Lake Shore Drive at night, the skyline, the Magnificent Mile, just the overall beauty of the city and the urban, ghetto neighborhoods. I enjoy Oak Park, the suburb, in terms of diversity of people and the beautiful trees. Try the Trolley Tour of the five Bronzeville Art Galleries. Also, go to the Chicago Cultural Center and use it is as info on sub- and mainstream culture to guide you through Chicago."