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MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED AND FABULOUS Even taking into account its status as a prefabricated, by-the-numbers sequel, this follow-up to the mediocre 2000 outing doesn't quite qualify as opium for the masses. Instead, it's more like two weak hits from a cracked bong. This time, Sandra Bullock's FBI agent must thwart a pair of kidnappers with the help of her hostile new partner (Regina King) and an offensive gay caricature (Diedrich Bader). With no feel for characterization, dialogue or plot development, this is the sort of dull sequel that's sure to be politely dismissed as merely routine, when it's that very sense of rampaging mediocrity - of flagrant laziness and audience disregard oozing out of every blemished pore - that renders it all but unwatchable. Many bad movies at least make an effort; this one is content to simply lay there, like a fat tick gorged on the blood of complacent moviegoers.
THE RING TWO In this illogical and inconsequential sequel to the 2002 sleeper hit The Ring, reporter Rachel Keller (returning star Naomi Watts) and her young son Aidan (David Dorfman, the worst child actor this side of Spencer Breslin) have moved from Seattle to a quiet Oregon town. But the spirit of the demonic girl Samara won't leave them alone, as she seems intent on taking over Aidan's body. Dorfman is such a monotonous performer that the addition of some Exorcist-inspired pea-green vomit might have helped us determine exactly when he's being possessed; then again, such a gesture of goodwill would be little more than a Band-Aid applied to a hemorrhaging film whose greatest sin is that it's unremittingly dull. 1/2
ROBOTS If ever a movie warranted the Second Coming of silent cinema, it's this animated effort from the same studio (20th Century Fox) and director (Chris Wedge) that brought us the middling Ice Age. Visually, the film is yet another triumph for computer programmers, as their blood, sweat and mouse pads have enabled them to create a wondrous landscape that's a joy to behold. But whenever any of the metallic characters that populate this world open their mouths, the movie reveals its complete lack of innovation at the screenwriting level. Despite an all-star vocal cast, there's no defining personality to most of the characterizations (Mel Brooks is a notable exception as a kindly inventor), while Robin Williams (as a manic misfit) immediately wears out his welcome by performing his usual tired shtick. Sad to say, this neutered comedian has become as mechanical as the robot he portrays.
SAHARA This may be based on Clive Cussler's bestseller, but it feels like a knock-off of Raiders of the Lost Ark, a send-up of the James Bond oeuvre or an instant sequel to National Treasure. Matthew McConaughney plays explorer Dirk Pitt as if he were a party-hardy frat boy who ventured out into the real world after all campus kegs were tapped dry; hammy Steve Zahn, as his sidekick, gets the funniest lines but can't deliver them without squinting like Popeye on the electric chair; and Penelope Cruz tags along as a dedicated doctor, although she seems so disinterested in what's happening around her that it's hard to believe her character would even have the medical know-how to prescribe aspirin. For a movie that Paramount hopes will kick off a new screen franchise, there's an air of desperation about Sahara, which tries too hard to please and in the process strips itself of any natural charm.
SIN CITY Three Frank Miller graphic novels get stylishly fitted for the big screen by director Robert Rodriguez, with Bruce Willis, Clive Owen and Mickey Rourke cast as the tough guys who must contend with sultry femme fatales and raging psychopaths. As a gimmick, Sin City is a beaut, as Rodriguez faithfully copied Miller's panels and in the process created a visually stunning yarn in which speckles of color add further resonance to the otherwise black-and-white imagery. Yet the movie isn't mere eye candy: In addition to nailing the scrawl-to-screen process, Rodriguez has also created a neo-film noir that - extreme violence aside - largely captures the mood of those time-honored flicks from the 40s and 50s. The glee with which Rodriguez films the sadism may be off-putting, but the joy with which he pays tribute to both the comic form and film noir is positively infectious.