A LOT LIKE LOVE A Lot Like Love is a lot like When Harry Met Sally crossed with Serendipity, as two people wonder whether they're better off remaining friends or whether the stars have something more intimate in mind for them. After spotting each other at the Los Angeles airport and then wordlessly boffing in an airplane lavatory, Oliver (Ashton Kutcher) wants to immediately know all about his new lady friend while Emily (Amanda Peet) becomes distant and aloof (When Hurry Met Dally?). Over the next few years, they keep bumping into each other, sometimes by accident (in New York City and Los Angeles, which, according to this movie, must each have a population that tops out at 250), sometimes by design. But rather than commit to each other and in effect get us out of the theater after a blessedly short half-hour, the pair keep bumping up against labored plot developments that drive them apart and insure at least one more trip to the concession stand. A Lot Like Love is one of those romantic comedies that wants us to believe so bad in its central love story, we'll willingly be led by the nose through all sorts of nonsensical contrivances. But while painless to sit through, the film never convinces us that these two need to be together. Part of the problem is the lack of chemistry between Kutcher and Peet, while the rest of the blame falls on scripter Colin Patrick Lynch, who creates two likable protagonists who could doubtless find happiness in the arms of countless other kids with a shared interest in junk food, Jon Bon Jovi and afternoon quickies.
PAPER CLIPS Whitwell, Tennessee, would be just about the last place one would associate with the Holocaust, but this poignant documentary reveals the connection. In 1998, under the guidance of the principal and two teachers, a group of students at Whitwell Middle School decided to grasp the magnitude of the Holocaust by collecting as many paper clips as there were Jews who perished during World War II. The project began slowly, but through a mix of national exposure, celebrity endorsements and the participation of two German journalists, the activity far exceeded all expectations. Aiming to collect 6 million paper clips, the kids ended up with over 26 million, many of which they decided to house in a permanent, one-of-a-kind memorial: a train car that once transported Holocaust victims to the concentration camps. While this 84-minute movie admittedly might have been even more powerful as a 60-minute segment on PBS, there's no denying the iron grip of the movie's message: If the hick-white town of Whitwell, Tennessee, not far from the sites of the Scopes monkey trial and various Klan activities, can look past its own closed borders and realize there's a living, breathing world out there that can always benefit from basic human compassion and understanding, then there's hope for just about anyone (select Republican administrators excepted).
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THE AMITYVILLE HORROR Jay Anson's 1977 novel The Amityville Horror was such a worthless piece of literature that the only way it could have moved any copies was for its author and its limelight-soaking subjects to declare it was all based on a true story. That did the trick: The book, about a couple who insisted their house was haunted, became a best-selling phenomenon, though it was soon discredited as pure hokum. A clunky 1979 movie version followed, and now we get the remake, which manages to be even worse than its screen antecedent. Leads Ryan Reynolds and Melissa George try their best, but as a creep show, this slicked-up version is painfully inadequate, preferring to traffic in quick shots of blood-dripping ghouls than establishing any real sense of dread. I've seen episodes of Sesame Street that were more frightening than this generic junk.
CHRYSTAL If it weren't for Billy Bob Thornton heading the cast and other notable pros on both sides of the camera, Chrystal could easily pass as a prime example of low-budget regional filmmaking; even in its present state, it's not far off the mark. Writer-director-actor Ray McKinnon has made an affecting melodrama that's deep-fried in Southern heritage right down to its ribs - this is the sort of film in which the story often feels incidental to its makers' ability to capture a specific landscape and its people. Thornton, as a tortured soul who returns to his home in the Ozarks after a lengthy prison stint, is effective in his own understated way, even though he's essentially repeating his characterizations from Levity and Monster's Ball; more interesting to watch is Lisa Blount, whose work as his emotionally damaged wife provides the film with a haunting stillness that permeates every scene.
FEVER PITCH The true subject of this adaptation of Nick Hornby's novel isn't the love between a man and a woman but between a man and his favorite sports team. As such, the movie's ability to balance the yin with the yang makes it the ideal date movie, a crowd-pleaser that follows many of the conventions of the modern romantic comedy yet doesn't betray its convictions for the sake of the usual embarrassing sops to formula. Successful consultant Lindsey Meeks (sparkling Drew Barrymore) is happy with new boyfriend Ben Wrightman (OK Jimmy Fallon) until she notices that his undying devotion to the Boston Red Sox begins interfering with their relationship; he's reluctant to lose her but can't commit to her the way he does to his team. Like the character of Ben, Fever Pitch comes across as a scruffy romantic, not always suave on the surface but harboring an irresistible tenderness inside.
GUESS WHO The maxim that Less Is More gets taken for a test drive in this lightweight multiplex seat-filler that's a loose remake of a motion picture routinely tagged with the label of "Hollywood classic." But the sad truth is that 1967's Guess Who's Coming to Dinner grows more hollow and condescending with each passing year, and when all is said and done, this new picture is funnier, more relaxed and better paced. Applying role reversal to the original template, this stars Bernie Mac as the stern dad who's not thrilled that his lovely daughter's (Zoe Saldana) new boyfriend is some punk'd white boy (Ashton Kutcher). Ultimately, this borrows more heavily from Meet the Parents than the Tracy-Hepburn chestnut, but Mac's slow-burn reactions make the whole concoction go down rather easily.
HITCH A warm and witty comedy that unfortunately runs itself into the ground, Hitch benefits immeasurably from the presence of Will Smith, who may or may not be a great actor but who is most assuredly a great movie star. There's something to be said for effortless magnetism, and in that respect, Smith has more in common with the sophisticated comedians of the past than the coarse jokesters of today. He's at turns sly, suave and sexy as Alex "Hitch" Hitchens, who earns a living by advising other men how to land the woman of their dreams. Yet even as he tries to pair up a clumsy accountant (Kevin James) with a supermodel (Amber Valletta), he unexpectedly finds his own attention drawn to a gossip columnist (Eva Mendes). Viewers who go with the flow will gladly put reality on pause in order to enjoy this movie's modest pleasures -- it's just a shame the picture reverts to rigid formula in its final half-hour.
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HOSTAGE Bruce Willis delivers a committed performance as Jeff Talley, an LAPD hostage negotiator whose botching of a tense standoff leaves him with innocent blood on his hands and prods him into moving to a sleepy community where the crime rate hovers around zero. But once three ruffians attempting to steal a car end up killing a police officer and subsequently taking a family hostage, Talley finds himself back in the sort of situation he would like to avoid. For a good while, director Florent Siri and scripter Doug Richardson do their pulpy material proud, with a real attention to both exposition and execution. But as the storyline gets more crowded (another gang of villains ends up holding Talley's own family hostage), the film falls apart through outlandish developments and ludicrous resolutions to the various plot strands.
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KUNG FU HUSTLE Operating with the same degree of logic as a Marx Brothers feature or a Looney Tunes short - which is to say, operating with no logic at all - Kung Fu Hustle stands alone as the year's most whacked out bit of entertainment. Writer-director Stephen Chow also plays the nominal lead, an ineffectual con man of the streets who inadvertently sets off a feud between the ruthless members of the ruling Axe Gang and the resilient residents of a slum area known as Pig Sty Alley. A nonstop orgy of madcap martial arts mayhem, this violent live-action cartoon contains a handful of brilliant moments, but it also spreads its concept thin: With nothing of real substance propelling the shenanigans, the movie grows redundant during the second half before regaining its footing for the climax.
MILLIONS Movies that traffic in whimsy often step over the line into pure treacle, and there are moments when Millions appears to be on the brink of doing just that. Yet to its credit, it maintains its balance between reality and fantasy, resulting in a charming film about locating the miracles in a material world. Young Damian (Alex Etel) receives regular "visits" from history's honored saints, so when a bag of cash lands in his lap, he figures it came straight from God and he should give it to the poor. But what he doesn't know is that the loot is actually stolen, and that the thief (Christopher Fulford) is determined to recover it at all costs. Rather than devolve into Home Alone shenanigans, the film remains true to its characters and in the process reveals what it means to be truly spiritual in a world in which religion is too often used as a smokescreen for bigotry and intolerance.
MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED AND FABULOUS Even taking into account its status as a prefabricated, by-the-numbers sequel, this follow-up to the mediocre 2000 outing doesn't quite qualify as opium for the masses. Instead, it's more like two weak hits from a cracked bong. This time, Sandra Bullock's FBI agent must thwart a pair of kidnappers with the help of her hostile new partner (Regina King) and an offensive gay caricature (Diedrich Bader). With no feel for characterization, dialogue or plot development, this is the sort of dull sequel that's sure to be politely dismissed as merely routine, when it's that very sense of rampaging mediocrity - of flagrant laziness and audience disregard oozing out of every blemished pore - that renders it all but unwatchable. Many bad movies at least make an effort; this one is content to simply lay there, like a fat tick gorged on the blood of complacent moviegoers.
THE RING TWO In this illogical and inconsequential sequel to the 2002 sleeper hit The Ring, reporter Rachel Keller (returning star Naomi Watts) and her young son Aidan (David Dorfman, the worst child actor this side of Spencer Breslin) have moved from Seattle to a quiet Oregon town. But the spirit of the demonic girl Samara won't leave them alone, as she seems intent on taking over Aidan's body. Dorfman is such a monotonous performer that the addition of some Exorcist-inspired pea-green vomit might have helped us determine exactly when he's being possessed; then again, such a gesture of goodwill would be little more than a Band-Aid applied to a hemorrhaging film whose greatest sin is that it's unremittingly dull.
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ROBOTS If ever a movie warranted the Second Coming of silent cinema, it's this animated effort from the same studio (20th Century Fox) and director (Chris Wedge) that brought us the middling Ice Age. Visually, the film is yet another triumph for computer programmers, as their blood, sweat and mouse pads have enabled them to create a wondrous landscape that's a joy to behold. But whenever any of the metallic characters that populate this world open their mouths, the movie reveals its complete lack of innovation at the screenwriting level. Despite an all-star vocal cast, there's no defining personality to most of the characterizations (Mel Brooks is a notable exception as a kindly inventor), while Robin Williams (as a manic misfit) immediately wears out his welcome by performing his usual tired shtick. Sad to say, this neutered comedian has become as mechanical as the robot he portrays.
SAHARA This may be based on Clive Cussler's bestseller, but it feels like a knock-off of Raiders of the Lost Ark, a send-up of the James Bond oeuvre or an instant sequel to National Treasure. Matthew McConaughney plays explorer Dirk Pitt as if he were a party-hardy frat boy who ventured out into the real world after all campus kegs were tapped dry; hammy Steve Zahn, as his sidekick, gets the funniest lines but can't deliver them without squinting like Popeye on the electric chair; and Penelope Cruz tags along as a dedicated doctor, although she seems so disinterested in what's happening around her that it's hard to believe her character would even have the medical know-how to prescribe aspirin. For a movie that Paramount hopes will kick off a new screen franchise, there's an air of desperation about Sahara, which tries too hard to please and in the process strips itself of any natural charm.
SIN CITY Three Frank Miller graphic novels get stylishly fitted for the big screen by director Robert Rodriguez, with Bruce Willis, Clive Owen and Mickey Rourke cast as the tough guys who must contend with sultry femme fatales and raging psychopaths. As a gimmick, Sin City is a beaut, as Rodriguez faithfully copied Miller's panels and in the process created a visually stunning yarn in which speckles of color add further resonance to the otherwise black-and-white imagery. Yet the movie isn't mere eye candy: In addition to nailing the scrawl-to-screen process, Rodriguez has also created a neo-film noir that - extreme violence aside - largely captures the mood of those time-honored flicks from the 40s and 50s. The glee with which Rodriguez films the sadism may be off-putting, but the joy with which he pays tribute to both the comic form and film noir is positively infectious.
OPENS FRIDAY:
THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY: Sam Rockwell, Mos Def.
PAPER CLIPS: Documentary.
WINTER SOLSTICE: Anthony LaPaglia, Allison Janney.
XXX: STATE OF THE UNION: Ice Cube, Willem Dafoe.
