BEYOND THE SEA Kevin Spacey serves as actor, co-writer, director and producer -- and probably caterer, key grip and best boy, if we search the closing credits hard enough -- on this misguided vanity project that's so in love with its creator (as opposed to its subject), it makes Yentl look like a model of modesty and restraint. The problems start with the casting of Spacey as Bobby Darin, whose life was a series of peaks and valleys as he fought a crippling illness since childhood, became a beloved singer via such hits as "Splish Splash" and "Mack the Knife," married popular actress Sandra Dee (and later divorced her, although the movie conveniently omits this fact on the way to a happy ending) and even emerged as a respected, Oscar-nominated actor. Spacey is 45 years old, yet here he's playing Darin from his late teens(!) up until his death at the age of 37; the effect is at once creepy, comical and impossible to digest. The film-within-a-film framing device, meant to deflect criticism of the distortions ("He was born to play the role!" someone says of Darin, though the line of course is really about Spacey), is almost as clumsy as the flat-footed musical numbers, and a good supporting cast that includes Kate Bosworth (as Sandra Dee), Bob Hoskins and John Goodman is left stranded with little to play. I'd recommend skipping the movie and buying the soundtrack instead, except that Spacey does his own singing as well -- not bad, but why settle for an imitation when the original is on hand? Best then to just order The Ultimate Bobby Darin CD, which features the genuine article performing his catchy signature tunes. 1/2

CURRENT RELEASES

ALEXANDER Suddenly, Caligula is starting to look good. Alexander is unremittingly dull, visually unappealing, narratively muddled, inadvertently campy, indifferently acted -- and that's just for starters. Colin Farrell gets trampled under the weight of director Oliver Stone's expectations in tackling the role of the warrior king whose claim to fame was conquering most of the known world by the time he was Ashton Kutcher's present age. Anthony Hopkins provides the doddering exposition -- lots and lots of exposition -- and, as Alexander's parents, Angelina Jolie (sporting an accent that suggests she's channeling Bela Lugosi) and Val Kilmer get to bellow and howl and gnash their teeth, to little avail. As for the murky battle sequences, they seem to have been shot by a camera while it was tumbling around inside a dryer.

THE AVIATOR This sprawling biopic about Howard Hughes (played by Leonardo DiCaprio), the notorious billionaire-industrialist-producer-flyboy, employs all the cinematic razzle-dazzle we’ve come to expect from Martin Scorsese, yet there’s an added layer of excitement as the eternal cineaste finally gets to step back in time via his meticulous recreations of the sights and sounds of Old Hollywood (look for Cate Blanchett in a show-stealing turn as Katharine Hepburn). Still, the behind-the-scenes movie material takes a back seat to other aspects of Hughes’ life — namely, his adventures in the field of aviation and his lifelong battle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. At its best, the film is a stirring tale about a man whose inner drive allowed him to climb ever higher and higher, grazing the heavens before his inner demons seized the controls and forced the inevitable, dreary descent. 1/2

BLADE: TRINITY Blade II was that rare sequel that managed to trump the original, but the franchise ascension ends there. Blade: Trinity is easily the least of three, an overlong action yarn that has nothing fresh to say on the subject of vampires nor on the curious holding pattern of Wesley Snipes' career. Snipes again plays the taciturn Blade, the half-man, half-vampire whose mission to wipe out all bloodsuckers leads him to Dracula (dull Dominic Purcell), recently resurrected to help his demonic descendants take over the world. Or something like that. Except for the amusing inclusion of a vampire Pomeranian, writer-director David S. Goyer's thudding screenplay lacks a sense of the fantastic -- who wants to see endless car crashes in this context, or a foot chase between Dracula and Blade? 1/2

CLOSER How much one enjoys Closer fully depends on how charitable one feels toward the characters at the center of Mike Nichols' lacerating film, in which four people (Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Clive Owen) in messy relationships take the notion of "brutal honesty" to such an extreme that their words suddenly qualify as deadly weapons. Viewers not interested in shifting through the rubble of these people's immorality in an effort to locate some common truths will have no use for this picture, the most divisive film about modern relations since Eyes Wide Shut. Others willing to dig deeper in an attempt to understand (if not always empathize with) these recognizably flawed human beings will be rewarded with some choice dialogue and a quartet of finely etched portrayals -- not to mention a heady buzz that will remain long after the movie's over. 1/2

FINDING NEVERLAND Almost one year after being treated to a delightful live-action version of Peter Pan, we now get a fanciful tale that seeks to explain how playwright J.M. Barrie initially came up with the idea for this children's classic. What ends up on the screen is as much fiction as fact (probably more so), but it's the sort of moving saga that will make audiences wish this was the way it really happened. A gentle Johnny Depp is just right as Barrie, whose inspiration comes from a widow (Kate Winslet) and her four sons, particularly the moody Peter (Freddie Highmore). Director Marc Forster (Monster's Ball) and scripter David Magee have made a film full of warmth and wit.

KINSEY Professor Alfred Kinsey spent 20 years studying gall wasps before his attention turned to a subject intrinsically more interesting: human sexuality. His controversial research formed the basis for his 1948 bestseller Sexual Behavior In the Human Male, and the ramifications of his groundbreaking work are still being felt -- and refuted -- today. Writer-director Bill Condon's intelligent movie is an exploration of the life and times of this complex individual, a man whose outrageous career choices were often at odds with his square appearance. And because of the dangerous direction this country continues to take, the film, anchored by excellent work from Liam Neeson and Laura Linney, emerges not only as a movie about another time but as a movie of our time, a reminder that progress can only be made when someone's willing to step up to the plate and challenge conformity and hypocrisy. 1/2

LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS Even in Jim Carrey's broadest work, it's difficult to see the gears in motion -- his comedic instincts are so fine-tuned, he morphs into his personas with amazing ease. Not so in this new picture, adapted from the best-selling children's series. As Count Olaf, a villainous actor who seeks to inherit a fortune by knocking off three orphans, Carrey delivers a disappointing performance, the sort of calculated turn we had come to routinely expect from Robin Williams. This pale imitation of the Harry Potter legend is merely an excuse to watch Carrey ham it up in various guises, and the showboating grows tiresome before long. Luckily, other elements of the project come to the rescue, from smart casting in the supporting ranks to a visual look that manages to be beautiful in its beastliness. 1/2

THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU Despite their off-kilter charms, writer-director Wes Anderson's Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums were little more than computer programs downloaded in "Quirk" Express, heady rushes of whimsy that never felt entirely sincere in their efforts to humanize the strained shenanigans. This one, about a struggling oceanographer (Bill Murray) tracking down the Jaguar Shark that killed his partner, is basically more of the same, yet for all its clinically detached idiosyncrasy, it keeps us watching. And it does so not because we especially care about the fates of the characters, but because we sense the story will invariably play out in trippy, unconventional ways that will surprise and maybe even delight us. It may be impossible to love The Life Aquatic, but it's remarkably easy to drown in its sea of eccentricity.

MEET THE FOCKERS The drop in quality between a hit movie and its sequel is usually so steep that just thinking about it could lead to a broken neck. Happily, no such falloff exists between Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers. The freshness of the premise may have dissipated, but the attention to the differences between the central characters — the primary reason the first film raked in the dough — still exists. So once again we find Greg Focker (Ben Stiller) seeking the approval of prospective father-in-law Jack Byrnes (Robert De Niro), with the presence of Greg’s old-hippie parents (Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand) adding to the stress level. The primary pleasure is watching veteran comedian Stiller once again squaring off against De Niro, whose recent attempts at shtick have only worked in this series.

NATIONAL TREASURE There’s a certain crazy appeal to the central thrust of this Jerry Bruckheimer production, which suggests that George Washington, Benjamin Franklin and other Founding Fathers did such an exemplary job of hiding a sizable bounty that the only way to find it is to use the map hidden on the Declaration of Independence. Yet while the film strives for the breathless pace of a matinee cliffhanger, it’s too clumsy, too flat-footed, to generate anything more substantial than glazed-over glances in the general direction of the screen. It’s better than typical Bruckheimer junk like Armageddon and Pearl Harbor, but it has no sense of pace or style, and it finds Nicolas Cage (as the do-gooder trying to protect the treasure from greedy foreigners) sleepwalking through yet another undemanding part.

OCEAN’S TWELVE As one of the members of America’s Eleven — i.e., one of those 11 moviegoers in the continental US who didn’t understand the big deal about the box office smash Ocean’s Eleven — my expectations weren’t exactly sky-high for this sequel. It’s basically more of the same: a bunch of pampered, overpaid movie stars getting together with their directing buddy to shoot scenes for a film in between their nonstop partying through the world’s hot spots. Only this time, instead of feeling like I was being forcibly ejected from the club, I at least felt like I was allowed a seat at the bar. This isn’t much better than its predecessor, but it does contain more laughs, more satisfying complications, and more situations for some of its star players (notably Julia Roberts) to sink their million-dollar teeth into. 1/2

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA This adaptation of the stage smash draws its strength from its principal actresses: The classically trained Emmy Rossum is affecting as Christine, the Phantom's obsession; Minnie Driver hams it up beautifully as obnoxious opera star La Carlotta (how else to play a diva but frantically over the top?); and Miranda Richardson adds quiet authority as Madame Giry, the only person who knows the Phantom's secrets. Their strong efforts run counter to the work by Gerard Butler and Patrick Wilson, who are both unremittingly dull as, respectively, the disfigured Phantom and Christine's suitor Raoul. And for all the visual resplendence (the colors practically bleed off the screen), this is simply a static filmization of the play, with no real attempt to open up the story and take it out of the realm of the theater. 1/2

THE POLAR EXPRESS When it comes to animated features, how human is too human? This expansion of Chris Van Allsburg's children's book takes it to the next level, using cutting-edge computer technology to place its characters within throwing distance of real life. Unfortunately, the result is rather creepy, with the "humans" coming off as slick automatons; just call this The Stepford Movie. Also call it dull, derivative, and lacking the sense of magic that informs all of the great Christmas flicks. A "Harry Potter meets Scrooge" hodgepodge enacted on a plateau of plasticity, this yarn about a train that takes doubting kids to meet Santa is distressingly flat. Many will hail it as a Christmas classic, but a better bet for seasonal cheer would be a screening of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians under the influence of heavily spiked eggnog.

SPANGLISH Tea Leoni should probably win some sort of Good Sport award for enduring the humiliations that writer-director James L. Brooks throws her way in this otherwise easy-to-take comedy-drama. Leoni is forced to take the character of the neurotic LA woman to the extreme — she’s presented as a miserable excuse for a companion, a wife and mother whose behavior makes her absolutely insufferable. The movie’s true star is Spanish actress Paz Vega, who delivers a luminescent performance as a Mexican immigrant who accepts a job as housekeeper for a sensitive chef (Adam Sandler) and his lunatic wife (Leoni). Brooks juggles the story’s themes with ease, and most of his cast responds in kind. Indeed, the only sour note in this melodious movie comes from Leoni’s character, and fortunately, it’s ultimately not enough to cripple the film.