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YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN It was Mae West who quipped, "When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." This film inspires a bastardization of that quote: When it's funny, it's very, very funny, but when it's bad, it's downright awful. That's a shame, because choice moments suggest that this could have been Adam Sandler's best comedy – not a Herculean feat, by any means, but after a career littered with the likes of Big Daddy and Little Nicky, we'll take what we can get. Sandler plays Zohan, an Israeli antiterrorist agent who tires of his violent lot in life and becomes a hair stylist in New York. As with most scattershot comedies, some gags score while others widely miss the mark. This one contains a greater success ratio than most Sandler flicks, but these humorous moments are still too few and far between, like Easter eggs hidden throughout a grassy field. Most of the time, we're forced to contend with elements that drag down most Sandler comedies: puerile humor aimed at 10-year-old boys, "gay-panic"-inspired discussions of penis sizes, and Sandler regular Rob Schneider again demonstrating that he possesses the comic instincts of Dick "West Virginia" Cheney. The final half-hour is especially ghastly, and as for the various cameos, they represent one squandered opportunity after another. And what's with the appearance of the wretched Mariah Carey? After watching her struggle through her agonizing scene, I was ready for Sandler to bring back the puerile penis jokes. **

OPENS FRIDAY, JUNE 27:

BEFORE THE RAINS: Linus Roache, Indrajit.

MONGOL: Tadanobu Asano, Khulan Chuluun.

WALL-E: Animated.

WANTED: James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie.