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Feeling icky

One woman's beyond GGG, the other's just childish

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I'm 26 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for a year. In the first week of dating, he disclosed his adult-baby side. Trying to be a GGG partner, I told him I supported him and dove right in, even though I felt uncomfortable. He likes me to dress him up and let him pee while wearing diapers, and he likes to dress me up. I feel "icky" and even violated afterward — though everything has always been consensual. I want to be comfortable with it, but I'm just not there. When I've expressed my discomfort, it's made him upset and embarrassed. Another confusing thing: My vagina always gets way wetter than usual when he puts a diaper on me. But I can't seem to get to a place where I actually feel like I'm enjoying it. Is it fair that I feel resentful for not being given more understanding for my mixed feelings? Is there a way I can break through and enjoy this? (We have plenty of vanilla sex, which he is totally into as well.)

Adult Diapers Under Lover's Terms

Something about being put in a diaper turns you on. But that turn-on is short-circuited by your discomfort. And if your turn-on is grounded in the sensations and/or the taboo, ADULT, you may never become comfortable with your boyfriend's kink. Quite the opposite: The more you do it, the less surprising the sensations will come to feel, the less naughty it will feel, the less of an accidental/bank-shot turn-on diapers will become.

Being GGG doesn't require a person to do whatever the hell their partner wants. Remember what GGG stands for: "Good in bed (work on those skills), giving of pleasure (without always expecting immediate reciprocation), and game for anything —within reason." It's unreasonable of your partner to ask you to continue engaging in diaper play when it leaves you feeling violated. You gave it a shot, it's not working for you, and you have to be able to discuss your feelings — and your limits — without him playing mad and/or hurt. Right now, you're engaging in diaper play not out of a GGG desire to meet his needs, ADULT, but because you're afraid of upsetting him. So you're not consenting from a place of honest desire but from a place of fear — you don't fear him, but you fear hurting him. No wonder it leaves you feeling like shit.

Here's what you should say: "Hey, honey, it's great that you have a fetish, and I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing it with me. But I don't enjoy it and I don't think I ever will. So this is something you should explore with other people. Get yourself a diaper pal, play to your heart's content, and then come home and have awesome vanilla sex with me."

I love my girlfriend. However, she has an issue with things she considers "icky" — like sperm, saliva, sex when menstruating, and anal sex as well as the resulting santorum. She also regards dressing up for sex and talking dirty as silly. She enjoys sex just fine, but it is pretty plain vanilla. Any advice on how to move her in a more experimentalist direction would be appreciated. I am not looking to turn her into an anal fanatic or a sloppy blowjob queen, but rather for her to put aside her preconceived notions and give some things a try.

Wants It Less Tedious

Anal isn't for everyone and sloppy blowjobs aren't for everyone, WILT, but a fear of all bodily secretions — with the convenient exception of her own vaginal secretions — isn't just sex-negative, it's childish. Let her know that, as much as you love her, this relationship won't last if she can't get a little more comfortable with human bodies and the stuff that leaks from them before, during, and after sex.

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