The time has come for you to use your influence to pick a day between now and the November election, and declare it Masturbate to Christine O'Donnell Day.
Hiding At The Elusive Fuzz Under Christine's Knockers
O'Donnell is the Tea Party wacko who won the Republican nomination for a U.S. Senate seat in Delaware. She is famous for three things: getting her loony ass endorsed by Sarah Palin, viciously gay-baiting her straight primary opponent, and opposing masturbation because it makes the baby Jesus cry.
I'm all for masturbating to Christine O'Donnell, but why limit it to one day? So I hereby declare every day between now and Nov. 2 — when O'Donnell's nomination costs the GOP a Senate seat — to be Masturbate to Christine O'Donnell Day. Rub one out for freedom, people!
Rick Santorum is definitely running for president. A member of a forum I frequent referred to him as "Senator Frothymix." You should refer to him as such if you mention his presidential hopes in your column.
That Is All
Oh, right. Rick Santorum. About a year ago, when Santorum first leaked ... er, signaled ... his intention to run, I asked if any of my readers had a desire to blog at www.spreadingsantorum.com, my long-dormant Santorum-bashing/redefining blog. It's still the No. 1 Internet search result for "Santorum" and "Rick Santorum." (This has been described as Santorum's "serious Google problem" by political reporters and bloggers.) People wrote in and volunteered for the gig, and I somehow lost all of the e-mails. Sorry about that. If there are still folks out there who want to blog about Santorum at the No. 1 site for his name — people who want to be a part of Santorum's Google problem — and want to do it for free, please write me at email@example.com.
Is everyone in the Republican Party a closeted homosexual?
Ken Mehlman's Out Now
Everyone except Ken Mehlman and Ben Quayle.
I am an 18-year-old female college freshman. My boyfriend is also 18. He recently confided in me that he wanted to wear my panties and a dress while I wore his boxers and fucked him in the ass with a dildo. I have been reading your column since I was 13. Had I never read your column, I might have assumed my boyfriend was gay or thought he was gross or thought I was gross for liking the idea. Instead, I helped pick out a dress I thought would look sweet on him, and we had a wonderful time. Thank you so much!
Loves Boys In Panties
No, thank you, LBIP, because every time a straight girl sticks something up a straight boy's ass, a bigoted state representative dies a little inside.