Music » Brittney After Dark

Debbie Does Spirit Square

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Debbie Does Dallas... the musical. I know what you're thinking: How in the hell can they make a musical out of a porn? But BareBones Theatre Group pulled it off in Spirit Square with results you'd see coming from that of Second City.

It was like a long, old-school Saturday Night Live skit with added shock value. The cast was an orgy of talent, and Debbie Benton, played by Heather Leanna, had a Sara Silverman/Tina Fey thing going on.

Don't worry; they managed to integrate plenty of porn into the play. There was dirty dancing in towels, lesbian cheerleader action, masturbation with candles, dildos incorporated into the costumes and explosions of bodily fluids ... to name a few. It was crotch-clenching, cheeks-sore kinda funny.

And the porn even had a plot. Debbie got a letter inviting her to audition for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Her parents wouldn't financially support this endeavor, calling it "outdoor burlesque," so the girls started "Teen Services" to get Debbie to Dallas. Teen Services did various "jobs" for dirty old men with fetishes for teenagers. One girl charged $105 to spank a man while screaming "you're a naughty boy," while another charged $30 for a blow job. Their prices were negotiable.

And Debbie sold her virginity, thus selling her soul to become an NFL cheerleader. Hmmm, that sounds familiar ... I altered my own identity so I could take the shape of a cookie cutter cheerleader. Same thing.

As for the musical aspect, the song and dance came into play to enact orgasms, and the songs had lyrics like, "I wanna do Debbie, but she won't even let me stick the tip in."

For some more theatrical porn, you can go to the Men's Club on Thursdays and enter the "Dare to Win a Pair Amateur Contest." A brand-new enhanced bust size for one lucky amateur. Wow, a boob job for stripping? Well, if you wondered where the girls with low self esteem hang out ...

Within the same week that Debbie did Dallas, I went to see Wicked at Ovens Auditorium. A little different.

I can see why Wicked sold out so quickly. The musical was more like a movie with an easy-to-follow plot, and the special effects were on the same caliber as that of a highly-edited movie. Two points for the set dresser! I even think I saw a subliminal message in the plot. The literally green girl becomes an activist for animals, is exiled from society and branded the wicked witch ... or, I'm just a really big hippie.

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