I recently spoke at Pacific University in Forest Grove, Oregon. PU students submitted a lot more questions than I could possibly answer in the 90 minutes we had together. So I'm going to use another week's column to answer some of the questions I didn't get to. Here we go:
I had a traumatic experience my freshman year that scarred me to the point that I did not want my boyfriend to be even a little dominant. Now, three years later, I am ready to take on a submissive role. How do I get my boyfriend to accept a submissive me?
Thank the boyfriend for being the not-even-a-little-dom partner you needed while you healed. Then tell him that, thanks in large part to him, you're secure enough to start mixing it up and you want to explore consensual, erotic submission. Then offer him your erotic submission — in whatever form it takes/turns you on — without asking him to play an overtly dominant role. Then, when he sees that you're not going to shatter, or that you're really sure about this and that it really turns you on, he can grow into a more overtly dominant role.
Do you think polyamory is possible or healthy?
Polyamorous relationships are possible — I know for a fact that they're possible — but they're only as healthy as the folks who are in them. The same goes for monogamous relationships.
What should I do if it is too BIG to get in without hurting? Lube is not an option!
If it hurts going in and lube is not an option, then I have a one-word answer for you. And it's not what you should do when someone stuffs a big dick into you and lube isn't an option for some mysterious reason, but what you're gonna do when someone stuffs a big dick into you and lube isn't an option for some mysterious reason: suffer.
I'm the "other woman" to a man 14 years my senior. I left home for school, and he stopped contacting me — this after 1.5 years of relationship and visions of a future together. Did I get played?
If you were an animal, what animal would you be?
I'm an animal already — I'm a primate, like you. If I had to be some other kind of animal, well, I would want to be either a tapeworm living in my husband's gut or a particularly lethal bacteria that had just been inhaled by Glenn Beck.
Thanks to Kayla, Chris, Lisa, Nancy, and everyone else at Pacific University who brought me in!