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Our very own reporter Jared Neumark thought he had giardiasis after camping through New Zealand. It was only diarrhea but the experience earned him the nickname "Giardia Jared" from his friends. According to him, "getting tested for giardia is no picnic."

The Blues or "Da Blooz" (a.k.a. depression)

Fear and foreboding, despair, worry, deep sadness -- these all have been common enough human emotions throughout mankind's story. However, post 9/11, America has been rife with all kinds of new and dire forms of the Blues, which are afflicting our organs, nervous systems and almighty pocketbooks: "The Giuliani Fading Limelight Blues," "The Down Low Blues (My Man is a Punk)," "Tom Cruise's Body Thetan Blues" and -- everywhere in this land -- the "Why Ain't the War Made Gas Cheaper Blues."

The decimation of New Orleans by Katrina was some serious blues. And if the current "Karl Rove Indictment Blues" doesn't result in a hurricane-like cleansing of the corrupt government and public air of apathy afoot in the U.S. of A., soon we all may be beggars on a sinking ship singing the "Where's My Refuge in Norway Blues."

* Disclaimer: As Kurt Cobain once pointed out, do we have to tattoo "satire" across our foreheads for you folks to realize this stuff isn't really imminent?