My boyfriend/fiancé likes to be put in a cage, and we have a very scary-looking cage in my closet. (God help me if my mother ever finds it -- I'll be in more trouble than that guy whose mother found his life-size sex doll! [CL, June 2]) His biggest turn-on is to come home on Friday night, go right into his cage, and for me to keep him there until Sunday morning. I only let him out if he needs to have a bowel movement or if I want to screw. (There's a bottle of water in his cage if he gets thirsty and an empty bottle if he needs to pee, and he doesn't get fed much because he's not exactly burning calories in there.)
I've been reading your column since I was 19 (I'm 27 now), I'm GGG, and I'm happy to do this for my boyfriend. And knowing he's in there waiting for me -- and doing crunches to pass the time (you should see his abs!) -- does make me horny, too. The issue: I won't leave our apartment when he's locked up. What if there's a fire? Or we get burgled? Or if there's a meteor strike? Or a terrorist attack? He says I'm being paranoid and that it really turns him on to know that I'm out with my girlfriends, having drinks or whatever, while he's locked up in my closet "with the rest of my things." Who's in the right here?
My Boyfriend Is My Prisoner
You're in the right, MBIMP. If there's a fire or a robbery or meteor strike -- or if you get hit by a car and wind up in a coma for three months and he slowly starves to death in your apartment -- then you could go to jail for manslaughter and/or negligent homicide. So that fiancé thing of yours shouldn't be left alone when he's in his cage; no one should ever be left alone tied-up and/or imprisoned. If he insists on you going out on a cage weekend, MBIMP, then you'll have to hire a sitter -- bondage, not baby. Take out a personal ad, lay out what you need (someone to be there, in case something happens, but that's all), and very, very carefully interview applicants. Better yet, get involved with your local BDSM group, make some kinky friends, and see if anyone is up for a little bondage-sitting.
Or, hey, you can live a little dangerously: Give your boyfriend a cell phone, don't go far, and instruct your prisoner to call if he smells smoke while he's doing his crunches.
HEY, EVERYBODY: Jason Robinson is -- was -- the football coach at Mandarin High School in Duval County, Florida. He was fired last month for sending "adult-oriented pictures" to a student. He didn't send the pictures to one of his students, but to a 20-year-old college student who just so happens to be Robinson's girlfriend. The mother of Robinson's girlfriend found the pictures on her daughter's phone and forwarded them to the principal of the school where Robinson worked and scores of other people.
"We hold our teachers to a higher standard," principal Donna Richardson told reporters. "They're in front of our students. They're talking with our students. They're teaching our students how to become good characters."
This is sex-negative bullshit. Robinson is a consenting adult; Robinson's girlfriend is a consenting adult. And what consenting adults do on their own time -- and with their own cell phones -- is no one's business but their own.
Savage Love readers stuck up for Constance McMillen after she was victimized by the homophobic morons who run her high school. Now we need to stick up for a straight high-school coach being victimized by the sexphobic morons who run his. People shouldn't lose their jobs after their privacy has been invaded, and people shouldn't be punished for engaging in private, consensual sex acts. Send an e-mail to Donna Richardson at email@example.com. Let Richardson know that she is in the wrong. And let others know to let her know.
A PROGRAMMING NOTE: Lots of folks have asked me where my iPhone app is. Well, I didn't have one -- until now. The Savage Love iPhone app is now available on the iTunes store. You can also still find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.