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ASHLEY SMITH, FORMER HOSTAGE WHO ALLEGEDLY USED PRAYER TO TALK DOWN HER CAPTOR, NOW SAYS SHE FIRST GAVE HIM CRYSTAL METH

The Christian Science Monitor showed amazing foresight back in March when it suggested Smith "has become Jessica Lynch with a crystalline memory. . ."

ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S CLAIM ON LATE HUBBY'S $474 MILLION GOES TO SUPREME COURT

Clarence Thomas will need a whole case of Coke cans to prepare for this kind of legal challenge.

SCHOOL BOARD CANDIDATE RHONDA LENNON CALLS BOARD MEMBER LARRY GAUVREAU, COUNTY COMMISSIONER JIM PUCKETT AND NC REP. JOHN RHODES "THE THREE STOOGES"

Finally, a politician who understands her pop culture references.

PRIVATE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL IN CALIFORNIA EXPELS TWO STUDENTS FOR HAVING LESBIAN PARENTS

"What you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for Me." -- Jesus Christ, Matthew 25:45. Or. . . "Animals don't hate, and we're supposed to be better than them." -- Elvis Presley

BILL BENNETT SAYS "YOU COULD ABORT EVERY BLACK BABY IN THE COUNTRY, AND YOUR CRIME RATE WOULD GO DOWN."

Yeah, and aborting conservative radio talkshow hosts would lower the stupidity rate.

BRAD PITT-JENNIFER ANISTON MARRIAGE NOW OFFICIALLY OVER

It's about time. It was distracting us from more important news, like Paris Hilton ending her engagement.

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