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Boy Oh Boy

Amazing guy loses to attractive guy

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I was dating an amazing guy -- smart, funny, caring and interesting. I just wasn't that attracted to him. I enjoyed hooking up with him, but it was never one of those, "Oh man, I just have to have you" things.

Enter my good friend, who I'd been harboring a crush on for quite some time. We were at a party -- this was about three months into my relationship with Boy No. 1 -- and we had sex. I thought he would want to date me after that, so I broke up with Boy No. 1. Turns out, it was just a one-night stand. Oops.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and I still really like Boy No. 1. Having sex with Boy No. 2 was a mistake, and if I could go back and change it, I would in a heartbeat. I know you're probably thinking, "Wow, what a bitch" right now, because I am too! I feel terrible, but I want my old boyfriend back!

--Stupid Bitch In South Carolina

And why do you want Boy No. 1 back? It can't be because he's smart, funny, caring and interesting. Boy No. 1 was all those things when you dumped him for Boy No. 2. And unless Boy No. 1 got a face-and-body transplant in the days after you dumped him, the attraction problem is still going to be an issue, and you probably won't be able to resist the next good-looking guy that comes along. So why do you want Boy No. 1 back?

Here's a guess: You can't stand the thought of being alone while you wait for Boy No. 3 to come along -- a hot guy who wants to date you as much as he wants to fuck you -- and so you want Boy No. 1 to be your chump, to hang around and keep you entertained, but just until it's time to dump him again.

But -- surprise! -- Boy No. 1 isn't interested in being your chump, SBISC, and can you blame him? You fucked around on him, you fucked with his ego and you fucked with his emotions. Now have the decency to fuck off.

I'm 18 years old, dating a 24-year-old. We accidentally got pregnant and are expecting in January. We love each other and we want to stay together, but he doesn't want to talk about getting married. I would marry him in a heartbeat, but that's not the only problem. Because the pregnancy was an accident and because I decided to keep it, I feel that he secretly resents me and has lost attraction for me. His sex drive has gone way down. We still have sex, but only because I beg him to. He says he loves me and still thinks I'm attractive, but his actions speak way louder than his words. What can I do?

--Pregnant And Deprived

Doesn't your boyfriend read the papers, PAD? According to the State of New York's highest court, the institution of marriage exists expressly to entice the likes of him -- that is, irresponsible straight boys -- into marrying the likes of you -- that is, irresponsible straight girls. Since heterosexual relationships are "often casual or temporary," and since "unstable relationships between people of the opposite sex present a greater danger that children will be born into or grow up in unstable homes," the court found that the state can deny same-sex couples -- with kids, without kids, whatever -- the right to marry. Marriage is set aside exclusively for folks like you! And you mean to tell me that your boyfriend doesn't want to marry you? What a fucking ingrate! I'm not sure what you can do about it, PAD, but perhaps those justices in New York can help you out. Maybe one of the justices can hold the shotgun while another officiates?

Hi, I am a 21-year-old female in a loving relationship. My problem is that I never come during sex. My boyfriend gets frustrated and takes it personally. The only time I ever have an orgasm is while using a vibrator or a faucet -- it doesn't even happen when I play with myself manually. I don't know why, but I just ... don't. It could have something to do with my past. I was raised really Christian and for a long time I felt guilty about having lustful thoughts and sexual desires. Why is it so easy for everyone else? I want to have a healthy sex life, and not just while I'm alone. What should I do?

--Feeling Unbecoming

While I'm naturally inclined to blame just about any sexual or social dysfunction on a conservative Christian upbringing, FU, I'm afraid that we can't pin your orgasm issues on Bible thumpers. Most women -- the best estimates put it at 75 percent -- can't come from vaginal intercourse alone, and a large number of women can't come from manual stimulation alone either. Lots of women need additional, direct clitoral stimulation -- the kind you get from your vibrator and faucet. The sooner you accept that your body needs those extra boosts -- and the sooner you incorporate them into your lovemaking -- the sooner you'll start coming during sex. Here's what you do: While your boyfriend fucks you, go at yourself with your vibrator. Show him how you get yourself off. Then once he's seen how it's done, hand him the vibrator and tell him he can be a baby about it and sulk, or be a man about it and get the job done. And if he wants to do it all with his dick, send him to www.babeland.com, where he'll find a selection of vibrators he can wear on his cock. You can have a healthy sex life that incorporates vibrators, FU, you just have to make peace with the way your body works.

To ask Dan Savage a question, write to mail@savagelove.net.

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