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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Sept. 1)

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Odd Symptoms Police responded to the Olde Providence Racquet Club after a man experienced a medical emergency that sounds more like a hissy fit. According to the report, a 39-year-old man on the property had "a medical emergency where the male subject threw his belongings around the property which were later recovered by staff." Staff handed over the man's phone and sunglasses, which were apparently launched like a racquet ball during the incident. On the report, the victim wasn't listed to have suffered any injuries, so it's unclear just what in the hell was going on there.

No Mustard? A 43-year-old woman filed a police report last week after someone took her Nissan Altima for a hot dog. The woman walked out to her car parked in the Mill Creek Apartments one morning to find that someone had poured ketchup all over it overnight. There was no permanent damage done.

Step Out A 63-year-old man was either moving too slow while exiting a CATS bus last week or he invented himself a good story in search of a settlement from the city. The man walked into the public library in Uptown one afternoon and told people there that the bus driver had closed the bus door on his leg while he was trying to walk off the bus and that his leg was in pain. A Medic came to transport the man to the hospital, and 10 lawyers chased it down the road.

Secret Santa With all the tools that are reported stolen from garages on a regular basis, it's comforting to see someone giving tools back to members of the community. A 61-year-old woman called police last week after she said she was sitting in her bedroom when a pair of pliers came flying through the window, shattering it. The woman said the suspect ran away before she could see them, and she has no idea who would target her for such a thing. She does, however, now have a pair of pliers.

Lyfted A local woman trying to make a little extra money was targeted by one of her clients last week in the Cotswold area. The woman said she was driving for the ride-share app Lyft and picked someone up. She soon realized that one of the riders who had just exited her car had left with her purse, wallet and bank card, despite the fact that each rider can be identified through their bank account, which is registered with the app in order to use it.

Bad Either Way A woman in north Charlotte walked out onto her front porch last week and was greeted by a man doing something wrong, although she wasn't going to stick around to see what exactly that was. She told officers that she walked outside and a saw a man standing with his pants down behind a nearby tree. She told police that she couldn't tell if the man was urinating or masturbating, but he pulled up his pants and ran off between the houses when she screamed.

Sharp as a Tack A man who got away with shoplifting last week at Target in Metropolitan is pushing his luck by returning to the scene of the crime, apparently. Someone filed a police report stating that the man was caught on tape shoving two hunting knives down his pants (careful!). He then picked up a case of Budweiser and walked out of the store without paying for any of it. He must have been ready for more after drinking those beers and playing with his knives, because someone — and it must have been the same guy, right? — walked out of the store three days later with a hunting knife, a hatchet and another case of Budweiser.

Free Kid A 33-year-old man turned to the law last week after the mother of his child was not acting very motherly last week. The man told police that the woman had been texting him repeatedly asking for money. When she didn't get any answer from him, she told him that if he didn't give her some dough, she would not permit him to see his child anymore and would, in fact, just give the child away to someone.

Big Bang Theory A 23-year-old in the University area may have thought his life was over last week during an incident with someone he had been having problems with. The man told police that the suspect pointed a gun at him, and then struck him over the head with the gun. He told officers that when the man struck him with the gun, it accidentally went off. No one was shot, but the victim will be hard of hearing for some time to come.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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