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Bizzare crime from Charlotte police files (August 18)

No fan of peppers

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Green Thumb A 36-year-old man living in a neighborhood off Rea Road called police after finding an item in his yard that apparently startled him. The report states that the man came across some unknown green pepper and called police, later turning it in to responding officers (not into police officers, although that would be a much better story) as found property. Oh, to be a cop in south Charlotte.

Hybrid Management at Sunbelt Rentals filed a police report after someone damaged their property on a construction site. The company will probably want to give IQ tests to those who rent their equipment form here on out, as they state in their report that some unknown person poured water into the gas tank of a small Bobcat loader, doing $90 in damage.

In or Out Following a trend started by a suspect in last week's Blotter who pulled a knife in The Red Door while trying to make off with a sex toy, a more peaceful shoplifter struck at Priscilla McCall's on South Boulevard last week. The suspect left the store with a $60 "Mangina," which is apparently a false penis with a vaginal opening at the base, allowing it to be used as a dildo, a penis extension or a male masturbator.

Horrible People A 57-year-old handicapped woman living in NoDa had to call police last week after being victimized by two people who were not only evil but also dumb. The woman told officers that a man and woman stole more than $1,000 from her after the female suspect beat her up. The two won't have anywhere to go now with their stolen booty, as they both live with the victim. Furthermore, the suspects are the victim's brother and sister.

Good Riddance Absence did not make the heart grow fonder for a 59-year-old woman in northwest Charlotte who had recently lost a roommate, but instead brought certain things to light. The victim told police that she helped the roommate move stuff out of her home when she left. Over the weekend, she began to notice that a seemingly random list of things was missing. This list included an iPod, a blouse, makeup, knitting needles, duct tape and pruning shears. When she called the old roommate, the woman admitted to taking the things as she moved because she believed the victim had stolen from her while they lived together. She said she had thrown all the stuff away but insisted that she didn't take the iPod. Some days later, a "representative" of the suspect returned the iPod, but it was damaged.

Road 'Roid Rage Police responded to the scene of an accident in south Charlotte last week after the suspect who caused the wreck fled the scene. Officers should probably be on the lookout for a man who is fit in a "you're trying too hard" kind of way, as a search of his vehicle turned up a small amount of marijuana and nearly $7,000 worth of muscle supplements from GNC.

Not a Thrift Shop Someone in west Charlotte called police last week after witnessing someone looking for a free meal in the wrong place. The witness told officers she saw a man standing near a kitchen window at Thrift Baptist Church and then reaching his hand inside to see what sort of things he could find. Nothing was stolen in the incident.

Dolla Bill Y'all A manager at a Holiday Inn on Little Rock Road called police after someone vandalized their vending machine last week but got little return on the investing all that energy. Officers found that someone had broken into the machine, doing $200 in damage, only to steal a single cash dollar.

On the Clock The owner of a local distribution company must have been alarmed after doing some digging and finding out that a missing employee had been keeping busy for months embezzling gas money from the business. A reporting person told police that one of his employees took off with a delivery truck on August 6 and hasn't been back since. Further investigation found that the employee had been using a company gas card for personal use since April, racking up roughly $20,000 in unauthorized purchases.

Not Legal Yet A man was surprised by police during a seemingly innocent trip to the UPS Store in north Charlotte yesterday. The man picked up four packages and made his way out to the parking lot, where officers had already been waiting for him. Investigators ripped the packages open for the man and weren't surprised to find about a pound of weed in each package. They seized about four and a half pounds total, with an estimated street total of $4,000.

Angry Mob A group of individuals had themselves a real 19th century uprising last week when they gathered to take out their anger on the local railroad company. The report states that a group of suspect vandalized a building belonging to CSX Corporation by shattering windows using "rocks, bricks, a crow bar and a pitchfork." It probably had something to do with the terrible policies of James K. Polk. Thanks, Polk.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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