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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Dress to Impress: Employees at a local Walmart called police after catching a woman stuffing socks and leggings into her purse. She was taken to the security office, but yelled, cursed and used physical force against the security guard in an attempt to get away. When police arrived, they placed her under arrest, whereupon she finally admitted the reasons for her shoplifting binge: she was unemployed but wanted to dress nice for her kids. Her kids? Right. Enter the violins.

Pop Quiz: Police responded to Harding High School last week after a group of students tossed a firecracker into the boys locker room. Boys? Isn't the idea to toss them into the girls locker room so that the girls will run out, half-naked, in shock? What a wasted opportunity!

Text threats: A 23-year-old woman called police after being threatened by cell phone. She told officers the suspect called her several times and sent multiple texts reading, "I am going to beat your ass because you are a liar. I am going to kill you for not keeping my name out of your mouth. I am going to stomp you in your stomach." We are going to ask you, sir, to make up your mind.

Catwoman's Daughter: Police responded to Coulwood Middle School last week after a student attacked a teacher. The report stated that the suspect assaulted the 52-year-old instructor by clawing him in both eyes and striking him multiple times in the face. Apparently the student thought she was on a casting call for the next Batman.

Chivalry: A 38-year-old woman called police to report she was assaulted by her husband. The woman told officers that he had grabbed her from behind and refused to let her go. She stated that he had been doing this throughout the couple's marriage. It seemed so romantic when Kate Winslet told Leo Dicaprio to "Never let go" in Titanic, but if they'd lived, that probably would have become annoying.

Flying High: Authorities arrested a man at Charlotte Douglas Airport last week on charges of possessing drugs and paraphernalia. Among the items seized: psilocybin mushrooms, hashish, salvia divinorum, marijuana seeds, marijuana roaches, rolling papers, a used marijuana pipe, a hash grinder, at least five containers with marijuana residue, Clonazepam and Diazepam. Guess he never made that Phish show.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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