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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Hit The Books: A 68-year-old man who teaches at a local high school went straight to the police after he was assaulted by one of his students. The victim told officers that the suspect confronted him after being written up and was reprimanded again and told to sit down. The student retreated to the back of the class, and when the teacher turned his back, he was struck in the back with a textbook. Two students in the class witnessed the crime take place and told the teacher who did it immediately. Actually everyone saw the crime take place, but two students (who perhaps were on the verge of failing the class and needed the brownie points) decided to spill the beans.

Let Me Off: A 27-year-old woman who drives a school bus for Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools filed a police report after she was assaulted by one of her students. She told officers that she was driving the bus when she was hit with a glass Coca-Cola bottle on the back of the head. When she stopped the bus, the suspect opened the emergency door in the back and ran off down the street. I hope you're learning a lesson out there, Charlotte: It's not always wise to turn your back on a CMS student.

Leading The Team: A 47-year-old woman called police after being threatened by two different suspects. Both suspects had been calling and texting her repeatedly; one suspect called and said things like: "I am coming to fuck you up and damage your car. We are going to bring a fucking army to fuck you up. I am going to flatten your tires and bust all your windows. I better not catch you outside because I am going to get you." Give the other suspect the phone. Didn't your parents teach you to share?

Security Risk: A 47-year-old woman filed a police report after her car was broken into last week. The employee of Charlotte-Douglas Airport told officers that someone had stolen her employee ID badge and a tote bag she kept for playing bingo. I would be worried about this, but I know that the real terrorists play Parcheesi.

The best policy: An employee of a local leasing company called police after witnessing one of his cars get hit by the dumpster outside his workplace. The victim told officers that he witnessed a garbage truck put the dumpster down and the dumpster roll into a work vehicle in his parking lot. When the victim called BFI Waste Services to complain, the supervisor got in contact with the driver. The driver simply stated that he drove away when he saw the dumpster roll into the car.

Out of Season: A 48-year-old woman called police after a known suspect burglarized her garage last week. The victim told officers that she gave the suspect permission to be in her home while she was away, and when she returned home, she noticed that the Radio Flyer sled she kept in the garage was gone. This guy probably thought if he took a sled during a 90-degree day in May, she would never notice. Should've snatched the dog.

Distraction: A 24-year-old student at Kaplan College filed a police report after being threatened by one of her teachers. She told officers that she was sitting in her classroom one morning last week when the suspect said: "Don't look at your computer screen. If you do, I am going to get up and slap you." So she turned the computer off and started texting — and that's when all hell broke loose.

Flight Delay: A man was arrested for DWI last week at Charlotte-Douglas Airport after police found him driving drunkenly around the hourly parking deck early in the morning. The arrest went down without any special circumstances, except for the fact that they had to find someone else to pilot his scheduled flight. (OK, OK ... joke.)

Hanging Out: The mother of a 9-year-old girl filed a police report after an older boy from her neighborhood threatened her daughter. The woman stated that the boy pulled out a rope to show the little girl and told her he would choke her with it and hang her. You don't go around saying that stuff to little girls after they just saw the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Threat of the Week: A 47-year-old man called police after he was threatened by a known suspect in front of his one true love. The victim told officers that the man came up to him and said, "If I see you in the street, you're a dead man. The only reason I'm not gonna shoot you right now is that your wife is standing right beside you." So next time you go for a walk, it would be in your best interest to grab that lovely lady by the hand.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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