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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Witch's Brew: A 21-year-old woman called police after her boyfriend roughed her up a bit and made it just weird enough to constitute a Blotter mention. Officers responded to a domestic disturbance to find the victim alone and relatively unhurt. She told them her boyfriend held her down and squeezed blood from his hand on her face. He then drenched a paper towel with hydrogen peroxide and wrung that out over her face, too. After pushing her around and grabbing her by the throat, the suspect ran off into the woods. Somehow that just seems like the right place for him to be.

In Timeout: A 22-year-old man filed a police report after receiving multiple harassing phone calls from a known suspect. He told officers that the suspect called him three times and said, "I know you've been walking around a lot, and you better watch your ass because I'm gonna get you with my boys." When certain doctors tell you to stay off your bad leg for a while, you really need to listen to them ... because they'll follow up on it.

Die Already!: A 75-year-old man and his 66-year-old wife filed a police report after receiving some very disturbing calls from their own daughter. The couple filed one report after receiving five calls from the daughter that were meant to harass them — but during which no threats were actually made. She then upped the ante by calling repeatedly and threatening them. During one call, the daughter said to her mother: "When Papa dies and you are living in the house, I am coming over to strangle you with my own hands." The mother of the suspect stated that their daughter is mad at them as a result of something. How can you tell?

Cents-less: A 56-year-old CATS bus driver called police after he was assaulted by one of his would-be passengers. He told officers that a man got onto the bus but did not have the correct change to ride. After being told he needed more money, he became irate and punched the driver in the nose. The suspect then got off the bus and fled on foot. Well, he obviously didn't hop in his car and drive off.

Party Threats: A 32-year-old woman filed a police report after discovering that she had been threatened through a third party. The victim told officers that a friend showed her a Facebook message she received that mentioned the victim by stating: "If she pulls that shit she pulled on your birthday, she is going to get her ass handed to her. Now don't say shit to me. And yeah, I want y'all to show out around my family and see what happens." Some people really don't like when folks plan surprise parties for them.

Tiger Mom: A woman called police on behalf of a young boy last week after becoming convinced that his mother was beating him. She filed the report after the boy told her that his mother had pulled him by his arms and shoved him into a dark room. Are we sure this wasn't just naptime? I say, enjoy it while you still have it.

Deadbeat: A 23-year-old woman filed a police report after her baby's father tried to intimidate her. She told officers the man called her six times, and when she answered he said, "Do not attempt to file for child support because I am going to take that child away from you." You do realize that if you take the kid, you're going to have to pay for stuff then, too, right?

Off Roading: A 64-year-old woman called police after one of her vehicles was stolen from her yard. She told officers that at some point overnight, unknown suspects removed a red and silver dune buggy that had been parked in her backyard. She stated that the buggy had to be pushed out of her yard because the battery had been dead for quite some time. That wouldn't look suspicious at all in the middle of the night. In fact, that's how I got around for a year straight.

Saboteur: Employees at Charlotte United Christian Academy called police after their playground was vandalized. They told officers that they came to the church one morning to find that someone had written and drawn pictures on the equipment in black marker and also removed the foam safety padding from all of the metal bars at ground level. Nothing to do now but sit back and watch the concussions take place.

Threat of the Week: A 48-year-old man called police after he was threatened by one of his neighbors. He told officers that the suspect said to him: "I am going to kick your motherfucking ass. Don't fuck with me. This house is in a bad neighborhood and people don't question it if something bad happens here. I will get you." I watch a lot of First 48 and police actually do most of their questioning about bad things that happen in bad neighborhoods.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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