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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Pervert: A 13-year-old girl filed a police report to report that she had consensual sex with a 14-year-old boy. I'm still not sure why she filed the report, but I'd be willing to bet it has something to do with Justin Bieber.

Sharp Minds: A 45-year-old man called police after his house was burglarized by a known suspect. He told officers that the man gained access to his house at one point during the day and made off with a Playstation 3, three games, a digital camera, a Playstation Portable, two portable games, a watch, a stack of DVDs and a pair of hedge clippers. Take all the electronics I own, but God help you if you ever touch my hedge clippers.

Phone Bill: A 37-year-old woman filed a police report after being threatened repeatedly by the same man. She told officers that the man has called her more than 600 times to make threats, and during the last call he told her, "I'm going to come to that meeting, get my gun and kill you."

Make It Rain: A 25-year-old man called police after experiencing a scary incident on the freeway last week. The man told police when they arrived that he was crossing under the exit 13A bridge on I-77 when a rock or brick thrown from the overpass struck his car. The victim was not hurt, but the object ripped a softball-sized hole through the vehicle's top. I don't blame shows like Jackass for this type of behavior ... I blame science teachers, with their crazy gravity lessons.

Enthusiast: A 42-year-old man called police after he was threatened by a known suspect. He told officers that the man called him early one morning and said, "Well, you like guns so much, why don't I come up there and shoot you in the head?" Well, actually, that was just a phase. I now very much enjoy Super Soakers.

Mission Impossible: A 38-year-old woman called police after fighting off a very determined, yet incompetent, man who meant to harm her in her home. The woman told officers that the suspect "repelled at the front door." He then used a pocketknife to slash two of her car's tires in an attempt to coax her outside. The man then became frustrated and ran around back. He started throwing a metal patio chair at the sliding glass door but could not get it to break. The man then ran away and got into a waiting car down the street. This would make for a very inappropriate but entertaining advertisement for that sliding door company.

Smooth Operator: A 17-year-old girl reported an incident to her school resource officer after arriving quite shaken from said incident. She told the officer that as she walked to E.E. Waddell High School, a man approached her in his car and asked if she wanted a ride. She told the man she was just walking to school and that she didn't want a ride. The man followed her until she reached the school and then asked again if she would like a ride. She told the man "no," and he drove off. It sure would've been cool if he decided to crash right into your first period class, though.

Necessities: Employees at a local Lowe's Foods called police after two women successfully shoplifted from the store. The reporting employee told officers that one woman concealed two packs of aspirin in her purse while the other woman concealed four packs of razors before they left the store together. It's hard to find a winner when you make a bet with your friend about the most effective way to kill yourself with stolen goods.

Repo Man: A 40-year-old woman called police after her home was vandalized by someone repossessing her car. She told officers that the man entered her garage to repossess her Chevy Impala, no matter how many times she screamed at him to leave her garage. When he backed his tow truck up into her driveway and pulled her car out of the garage, he allegedly did significant damage to the entire garage. I always thought those reality shows were fake, and it was never really that dramatic. Oh well, repo guys suck.

Threat of the Week: A 12-year-old boy filed a police report after receiving multiple threatening messages from a schoolmate on Facebook. The victim told officers that he had received e-mails and messages stating, "I know you are the one responsible for my suspension, and I hear you've been touching her. I also heard you have been calling me gay. Keep provoking me and you'll see." In my personal favorite, the suspect made an offer: "You have two options. You can be my friend and not be scared of me and my friends — or the other option is not be my friend and still be scared of us." And you wonder why folks at school think you're gay?

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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