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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files



Family Matters: A 48-year-old woman called police after she and her daughter were assaulted by a family member. She told officers that she was arguing with her son when he punched her in the mouth with a closed fist and cut her lip open. As the suspect left the house, his sister confronted him about their mother's injury, and he punched her in the left eye, causing bruising. When he got into his car, his niece confronted him in the passenger seat ... OK that last one was a joke.

Ballsy: A 36-year-old man called police after he was robbed in a government building. He told officers he took his baby stroller into the child care area of the courthouse one afternoon, and at some point while he was playing with his kid, someone grabbed the stroller and walked out with it. This worked out OK, though, because an hour later the victim lost custody of his child during his case. (Well, maybe not.)

Seats Taken: Parents of a 12-year-old girl called police after she came home from the bus stop mortified. She told her parents that a vehicle had followed her from her home to the bus stop and then sat there for some time at the stop while she waited. This scared the girl, and she ran back home.

Not Welcome: A suspect was arrested at a middle school basketball game last week for trespassing after attempting to enter a game he was told he could not attend. How do you get banned from a middle school basketball game? He was probably just looking for a girl he liked who stopped coming to the bus stop.

Touchy Touchy: Another student was under the impression he was in danger after he was shoved by his teacher last week. The 13-year-old told officers that the teacher elbowed him in the chest, causing pain. A review of camera footage showed police that the teacher's elbow did slightly strike the victim's chest, yet only because the student was holding the teacher and the teacher tried to jerk away. I was told in school that if I was being assaulted I should walk away and find the nearest administrator. That's a double standard.

Thirsty Individual: Employees at a local Sunoco called police after a man vandalized their display case. The cashier told officers that the man came in one night and attempted to buy some beer but his credit card was denied. After being told this, the man grabbed a display case of Hall's Cough Drops and threw it to the ground, damaging it. Shortly after, a man with a bad cough came in and, after seeing all the cough drops on the floor, starting shattering beer bottles everywhere.

High School High: Police were called to Vance High School last week after a melee broke out that turned dangerous. The report states that nine suspects were involved in an affray, to the terror and disturbance of other students. The suspects also caused a riot by engaging in a public disturbance in the cafeteria where several hundred other students were gathered for lunch. I went to that school for a couple of years. This doesn't seem any different than any other day.

Marks The Spot: A 26-year-old woman called police last week after her car was vandalized. She told officers that someone spray-painted a huge X on the hood of her car while it was parked in her apartment complex's parking lot. She had decided not to report the incident until a skydiver landed on her car while she waited in a traffic jam a few days later.

Dental Work: A 27-year-old woman called police after being threatened by an unknown suspect. She told officers that the mysterious man had seen her earlier in the day and stated that he would beat her up and then wire her mouth shut. These kids get a couple of good grades in orthodontic school and get so damn cocky.

Waste of Life: A mother called police last week after someone vandalized the spot — on the median of a road in south Charlotte — where she built a memorial for her late son. Please let another crash happen right in that spot the next time an asshole decides they should go tear up photos and flowers that a mourning mother put there.

Threat of the Week: The manager of a local apartment complex called police after one of his tenants was threatened and the property was severely vandalized. The employee told officers that someone had spray-painted the sidewalks and hallways surrounding the apartment of a woman — whose name they had spelled out with the graffiti. The words "Fuck C. M***" were written on the concrete floors on each side of the apartment. In the breezeway only 20 feet away, the suspects wrote: "Dear C. M*** you're a BOP sn: We Messy." I have no idea what any of that means, but you certainly are messy, I will give you that.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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