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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files



So Meaty: Employees at a local supermarket called police after a man was caught shoplifting. One witness told officers that she watched the suspect walk into the store and start stuffing meat into his pants in plain view. When the employee approached the suspect and asked him to please stop and place all the meat on the counter, he punched her in the face. He ran off with "both hands on the meat, still in his pants." Do I even need a joke?

Christmas Break: A 24-year-old woman called police after her daughter was threatened on the school bus. She told officers that a bully told her daughter, "I'm going to beat your ass on the bus. You are not gonna make it home." And I grew up thinking "seat taken" was the worst thing I could hear.

Party Bag: Employees at a local Walmart called police after catching a woman attempting to shoplift from their store. When police arrived, they searched the woman's bag and found assorted bras and panties, nutty bars and a whole mesquite turkey. They also found five crack rocks in the purse. Hey, that's what I brought to my annual potluck.

Douchebag: A 39-year-old man called police after being assaulted by his girlfriend. He told officers that he was in the residence that he shared with the suspect when she suddenly started throwing alcohol on him.

Passing Gas: A 25-year-old woman called police after her property was vandalized by an ex-boyfriend. She told officers that the suspect drove her to her car and then got upset that she wouldn't give him any money for gas. He got out of the car and slashed all four of her tires with a box cutter. He then hopped into his own car and drove off. Good luck next time you need a ride.

Destruction Derby: A 25-year-old man called police after his car was vandalized by his baby's mama. He told officers that an argument started when his former lover confronted him about her dad's power drill, which he borrowed and still had in his possession. When he refused to return it, she took the tag off of his car and started folding it. She then scratched the word "bitch" into the back of his trunk. She attempted to break his car door by slamming it repeatedly to no avail. You are what you scratch into someone's car.

Can't Touch This: A 28-year-old man called police after being assaulted by his girlfriend. He told officers that he was in a verbal argument with his girlfriend when she grabbed a hammer and hit him as hard as she could in the left shoulder. Police were able to locate a visible mark where she hit him.

Brotherly Love: Police were called to a house in Steele Creek after a group of roommates got into a fight. Apparently the two brothers were living with the younger brother's girlfriend. After the couple got into an argument, the younger brother left and the girlfriend started throwing all of his belongings outside. The older brother saw this and began throwing all of the female's possessions outside. The girl told police that the older brother threatened to "hit her with a right hook," but he claimed that he never did such a thing.

Perky: Employees at a local Victoria's Secret called police after witnessing a woman shoplifting. The woman walked out of the store with 60 bras and hasn't been seen since. As far as who did it, only Victoria knows.

Threat of the Week: A 19-year-old man called police after being threatened by a wordy suspect. He told officers that someone he's had trouble with in the past called him 17 times in a week and stated, "I'm going to bust your car windows out. I know how to get in your house without a key. If you pull up to your house, someone is going to shoot you. You're going to need the police and wish none of this happened." Hide your kids, your wife, they're raping everybody out here.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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