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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files



Target Practice: A 50-year-old woman called police after she was assaulted while jogging. She told officers that she was running down Providence Road when her ex-husband pulled up beside her in his car and spit on her before driving off. I guess this is what you call a drive-by in Myers Park.

Love the Game: Police responded to a break-in call at Briarwood Elementary School to find four men who had entered the building. The four men climbed on top of the roof and entered through an unlocked roof hatch above the gym. When police arrived, the men were playing basketball in the gym. They were hesitant to go with officers because they were sure they still had at least 15 minutes left of recess.

Text Message: A 33-year-old woman called police after she realized her car was broken into. She told officers that someone broke into her 2008 Nissan Altima and stole her $1,200 laptop. The suspect scratched the word "bitch" into the side of her vehicle and "Stop fucking my man" into the hood. There's only one person who could've committed this crime. Either that or you truly are a slut.

Ichabod Crane: A woman living on Sleepy Hollow Road called police last week after her daughter went missing. She told officers the girl left for school that morning but never arrived there. There's nothing funny about a missing kid, but this is exactly why I would never move to a street called Sleepy Hollow.

Networking: A 35-year-old homeless man called police after being threatened by another man over his Facebook page. Yes, you read that right. The victim told officers that he received a message from the man last week that stated the suspect would burn down his tent. He said he was very worried because he lives in said tent. He's also worried because he keeps his laptop and his flat screen in that tent. He probably parks his car in the next tent over.

Dating Little Boys: A 20-year-old woman called police after a man she was hanging out with completely lost it while riding in her vehicle. She told officers the man became upset at her attitude and began to throw his food and drink around in the vehicle. He then exited the vehicle and began to walk away but then came back and picked her up. He stated, "Sometimes I just want to slam you," before putting her down and walking away. The suspect then kicked the console, beat on the steering wheel and punched the passenger window but couldn't break it. You should expect some attitude after the 20th time asking, "Are we there yet?"

Emergency: A 43-year-old woman called police after her house was broken into. She told officers she was in her home when she heard a noise in the bathroom. When she opened the door to check it out she witnessed a man climbing out of her bathroom window. She said he jumped into a white vehicle and drove off. The woman said that nothing was stolen. When you have to go, you have to go.

Hit and Run: A 56-year-old man called police after being threatened by a known suspect. The man told officers that the suspect walked up to him and said, "If my dog would've died, I would've killed you." The victim of this threat stated that he hit the suspect's dog the day before and kept driving. The dog suffered very serious injuries that were not life-threatening. I think I'm on the suspect's side.

More Networking: A 37-year-old woman called police after being threatened over her Facebook page. She told officers the suspect left a message on her wall that stated, "I don't care if you show this message to the police. I'm going to kill you." Couldn't you just poke her instead?

Security Measures: A 26-year-old woman filed a police report after some medicine was stolen from her at Charlotte-Douglas International Airport. She told officers that she had placed her bottle of prescribed Methadone liquid in her suitcase before checking it at the gate. When the bag was returned to her, the prescription was gone. Officers went to question the bag checkers but they were all high as a kite so they probably didn't see anything.

Clever Kitties: A woman called police to report that the city-owned cat trap on her back deck was stolen from her patio overnight. She told officers there were no signs of forced entry into her yard, and she didn't hear any voices. There were simply two paw prints that led to the woods and disappeared.

Threat of the Week: An 18-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a known suspect. She told officers the man called her and stated, "I'm going to kill you and your whole family. I'm going to cut your throat and feed it to the dogs." So you've decided to bypass the slicing of the throat and actually remove the whole thing? You are on another level of disturbia.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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