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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Cross Buzz: Police and medics were called to a house in south Charlotte after a boy seemed to have an allergic reaction. The father told officers that his 17-year-old son was drinking alcohol and it caused a weird reaction with his depression medication. That's called happiness. Six more beers, and you won't know what depression is.

Loose Lips: A 22-year-old woman called police after a known suspect threatened her at her home. She told officers the woman yelled, "Keep my child's, my husband's and my father's name out of your mouth, or I will fuck you up." Most wives just want women to keep their husbands out of their mouths physically, but some are more strict.

Party Time: Police were called to Myers Park High School after a student was found to be in possession of drugs and paraphernalia. The student was caught with marijuana, a pipe, a switchblade and seven ecstasy pills.

If It Fits: Police responded to a local Marshalls after a man was caught trying to shoplift. Employees told police that the man was walking around with a pair of Puma running shoes stuffed into his pants. Police could not arrest the man, however, because he had not attempted to leave the store with the merchandise. Maybe he just got confused about the whole "guys with big feet" rumor.

Clean Freak: A 37-year-old woman called police after her car was broken into. She told officers that someone entered her unlocked vehicle and stole two DVD players. She also stated that whoever did it must have been smoking a cigarette because they left burning ash on her seats and needed to reimburse her $200 for the seat covers. That's a good idea. Did they also kick that dent in your bumper and make you need an oil change?

Caked Up: A 48-year-old woman called police after her neighbor stole things from her house. She told officers the suspect came and asked if she could use some cake mix, so she was invited in. When the victim went to the bathroom, the suspect left with $100 in cash, a digital camera, two pairs of amethyst earrings and a ruby necklace. But she forgot the cake mix.

Shining Stars: Police responded to a call at West Mecklenburg High School after a student was assaulted in the bathroom. He told officers he was confronted by two suspects who were asking him about the stars he had drawn on his backpack. After he told them he didn't "bang" anymore, the boys started hitting him in the face and neck. Just wait until they get a hold of that teacher who put the gold star stickers on their homework — she's really gonna get it. Stars are gang signs? Is this the high school from Glee?

Cutting Class: Police were called to MLK Jr. Middle School after a boy lost his temper in class. The teacher told officers that the victim and suspect got into an argument in class, and before she could calm them down, the suspect picked up two pairs of scissors and started running at the 13-year-old victim. I don't know if going the rest of the year with the nickname "Edward Scissorhands" will be a bad thing; maybe just for the first kid who says it out loud.

Dream Girl: A 21-year-old man called police after he was assaulted by his ex-girlfriend. He told officers that he has been living at his mother's house since breaking up with his girlfriend. One morning last week she showed up at the house and came right through the front door. She came to where he was sleeping and started hitting him in the face, neck and chest with her hands. She then went outside and scratched his mom's Land Rover with a key and threw a big rock at it. Sometimes you meet the kind of girl you don't want to take home to mom. Sometimes she comes over anyway.

More Unruly Students: A 38-year-old teacher called police after a student at her school suddenly became violent. She told officers the student was in a clothing storage room with her at Metro School when he became angry and punched a cabinet. The cabinet had more shelves above it and this started a chain reaction of things falling. After the teacher caught a Rubbermaid basket that was falling from above, he got more angry and pushed her against the wall. I'm glad they are instilling a sense of organization in these kids.

Threat of the Week: A 52-year-old man called police after a neighbor in his apartment complex made "rude comments" to him. He told officers the man told him, "Call the police on me now? I am going to play my music as long or as loud as I want. If you get in my face, I will make sure you regret it." How are you going to do that? Play Nickelback at all hours of the night? Then you would be suffering, too.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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