News & Views » The Blotter

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

by

comment

Dirty Criminals: Police were called to a local Dollar Tree after three men shoplifted from the store and got away with it. Employees told officers that the men made off with a bottle of Jergens hand soap, a bottle of Irish Spring body wash and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. I would check all the local creek beds and follow the trail of suds.

Collateral: A 39-year-old man called police after his landlord stole from him. The man told officers that he was subleasing an apartment from the suspect, and owed him two-months rent. The suspect entered the apartment when the tenant wasn't home and took adult and children's clothing, a laptop, computer speakers and the tenant's birth certificate. If he misses two more months, the guy's just going to take the kid and put him to work.

Ungrateful: A woman was turned away at the police department after trying to file a report against a helpful serviceman. The woman told officers that she had locked her keys in her car and called the AAA operator to have someone sent out to help her. She then returned to her workplace and the man arrived and unlocked her car. The AAA employee, noticing that the woman's purse was in the front seat of her now unlocked car, brought the purse into her office and handed it to her. The woman wanted the man charged even though nothing was missing from the purse. Thanks to some common sense on the part of the CMPD officer on duty, she was sent away to be an asshole somewhere else.

I'll Cut You: A 52-year-old man called police after he was accidentally stabbed during an argument with someone he knew. He told officers he was arguing with the suspect over a car, and the suspect was holding a razorblade. He then stated that at sometime during the fight, he became cut, but he doesn't believe the suspect did it on purpose (just to give him some leverage when he goes back with a baseball bat and accidentally turns that car into a mess).

Can't You See?: A 28-year-old man was transported to the hospital after being assaulted during a road-rage incident. The man said that when confronting an unknown man about something that happened on the road, the man sprayed him with pepper spray and left the scene. I don't think this guy is a suspect; I just think this is the exact reason you buy pepper spray. Very effective way of making sure that the psycho stops following you.

Party Time: A police officer walked into a local restaurant to conduct what is called a "walk-on inspection." He observed several intoxicated subjects, and one of the more adventurous ones approached the officer and asked to be put on a breathalyzer. The guy blew .28 — more than three times the point at which your are legally drunk. The officer also witnessed the DJ in the bar drinking a beer while he was on the clock. The over-serving violation is a bit sad, but the second one is just necessary. Always keep the DJ in a good mood!

Gullible Much?: A 56-year-old woman called police after realizing she had fallen victim to a scam. The woman told officers that she received an e-mail from an unknown person stating that a friend had been robbed at gunpoint in London and needed money immediately to pay for her hotel in order to catch a flight home. The victim reported that after wiring the money she realized it was a scam, but it was too late. Someone getting robbed at gunpoint in London? And you believed that?

Knock It Out: Police were called to a 61-year-old woman's house after her car was broken into and possessions were stolen. The woman reported that she was missing her car stereo, a Betty Boop CD case and a backpack containing a red "Obama Said Knock You Out" T-shirt. All I know is that when I saw that this shirt actually existed, I just felt the need to write about it. To picture a 61-year-old woman wearing it just makes it all that much better. I hope she's offering a reward.

Keep The Change: An employee of a local Pizza Hut called police after being ripped off by one of his customers. The victim, a delivery driver, filed a report after realizing that one of his customers had given him a counterfeit 20-dollar bill. I find this to be a hilarious joke considering the fake-ass pizza restaurants like Pizza Hut have been selling for years.

Threat of the Week: A 37-year-old man called police after being threatened in another Pizza Hut location in Charlotte. He told officers that he was in a verbal disagreement with one of his fellow patrons when the suspect stated, "If you say another word, I'll come around this table and kick your punk ass." He was just trying to suggest that you use real money in the event that you're dining in. Pizza Hut: seemingly serving apparent idiots since 1958.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

Add a comment