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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Money Saver: A 21-year-old woman called police after being threatened by her baby's daddy over the phone. The victim told officers the man called her and stated, "If you don't cancel the child support, you're going to lose your life." That's actually the same way I've gotten out of paying the power bill for the last six months. Now I wonder if it will work on my court costs.

Time Saver: A 20-year-old woman called police after being threatened in a similar way by a former boyfriend. The woman filed a police report saying that a man called her at 1 a.m. and stated, "I will find you, and I'm going to kill you. You're not going to have my baby." Good fathers want to be a part of the process so bad that they will do anything to put less pressure on the mother.

Hitch 'N' Ditch: A 26-year-old woman called police after someone took some of her stuff. She told officers that the suspect drove her to the store to get a soda. While the victim was in the store paying for the drink, she saw the car she rode in peel out of the parking lot and drive away. In this car was the victim's coat, which held her debit card, ID and house key. The suspect has now stopped answering her calls. Of course he won't answer your calls – he couldn't even stand the thought of spending another minute with you alone in the car.

How The East Was Won: A 32-year-old man called police after being threatened by a man who loaned him some money. The suspect confronted the man in an apartment complex parking lot and stated, "Where is my money? You better come through quick. Eastern justice will soon be coming if you don't produce. You are fucking with my family, and I will do whatever it takes to protect and provide for them." To which the victim probably said, "OK man, just let me get the Nets to win tonight. One more time ... I know they can do it."

Wild Ride: A 47-year-old man called police after being almost killed twice by a man during a road rage incident. He told officers the suspect cut him off and after hearing the victim beep his horn, pulled a gun out and started pointing it at him. The victim, being the good decision maker that he is, got out of his car at the next light and jumped on the hood of the suspect's car. The suspect sped off, forcing the man to hang on to the hood, and then hit the brakes, throwing him off the car. Yes, you were forced to hang on, but you sure as hell weren't forced to get on in the first place.

Happy Ending: A teen girl called police after being assaulted by a perverted man that she knew. She told officers the man came into her home and then pulled out a gun. He told her to take off her clothes and then said, "I think you want to see your son grow. Don't make me do this." When she tried to walk by the suspect he jumped on her and attempted to kiss her breast area. She then kicked him off of her, which startled him and he ran out of the house with his gun. Haven't you seen the movie Scream? Teenage girls will kick your ass, and that's awesome.

Good Parenting: A 25-year-old woman called police after being threatened by her baby's daddy. She told officers that over the weekend the man had been making all sorts of harassing phone calls saying things such as, "If you won't let me see my son, I'm going to get you. Bitch, if you don't answer your phone, I will kill you. I know where you live." Why does the punishment get more severe for an ignored call than for withholding your child? You need to rethink your priorities.

Small World: A 23-year-old and an 18-year-old woman both called police on each other – hopefully before realizing that this town just wasn't big enough for the both of them. Victim No. 1 called police at 7:30 p.m. to report victim No. 2 for violating a restraining order that was issued by the courts. Less than an hour later, victim No. 2 called police stating that she had suddenly become involved in a road rage incident with victim No. 1 and suffered minor injures to her right eye. I'm going to start filing restraining orders on random people from the phone book just so I can start calling police when people tailgate me.

Threat of the Week: The parents of an 8-year-old child called police after their son was threatened by his friend's parents. The child told officers that when he got off the school bus the suspects were waiting on him. One of them stated, "If you hit my daughter again I will kick your ass. I don't care if you do tell your parents." Forget that – you should tell your grandparents. Something tells me they're probably in their mid-30s.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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