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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files



My Best Buddy: Police were called to the scene of an accident in which a car crossed the center of the medium, struck two road signs and came to a stop just off the roadway. The driver of the vehicle fled the scene without calling 911 or providing the required information. Later on, the driver of the vehicle showed up, distraught and stating that he lent his car to a friend earlier in the night only to receive a call from said friend telling him he could retrieve his car on the wrong side of the road at the scene of the accident.

Sicko: A man called police to his home after he discovered a huge amount of child pornography on a computer that he recently bought from the pawn shop. You're lucky you didn't take it to Geek Squad or you would have been in for a long day. I don't think those guys downtown care much if you said you got it from a pawn shop once you're locked up next to them.

To The Teeth: A 27-year-old woman called police after her house was broken into. She told officers that the suspects stole a Colt 1911 Officer Model, a .22-caliber Derringer, a .25-caliber automatic chrome-plated pistol, a .22-caliber chrome-plated revolver, a blue revolver, an 8-inch knife and a box of ammunition. When asked which way the intruders went, the woman said, "I don't know, but I sure as hell hope they're not coming back here anytime soon."

Shady Activity: Police responded to a robbery call in an apartment complex after a man was robbed at gunpoint while he walked home. He told officers that two men pulled handguns on him and demanded the backpack off his back. He told officers the backpack was filled with regular stuff: a CD player, a book or two and $3,000! (Because people are walking around apartment complexes all the time with three Gs in their book bags.) These armed robbers must've just gotten lucky.

Homecoming Parade: A 32-year-old woman called police after being threatened over the phone by two known suspects. She told officers the duo called her 13 times stating, "We are going to fuck you up when you bring your mother home. We are waiting in the parking lot." You ever heard of a girl you don't want to bring home to mom? Sometimes you can't help it – they just find her anyway.

I Condone It: A 23-year-old man called police after being assaulted on an otherwise peaceful day. The man told officers that he was walking around SouthPark Mall when a person he had never seen before walked up and slapped him in the face. In my defense, he was wearing a pink Polo shirt and a pair of white sunglasses indoors.

Red with Fear: A 54-year-old woman called police after being robbed at gunpoint. The woman told officers that two suspects pointed guns at her two 16-year-old daughters and her and threatened to kill them before making off with one box of Maxi Pads. All the strides that female criminals and victims have made, and people like this bring the stereotypes back. I wasn't aware that either one of these age groups had use for these but that just shows how much the average guy knows.

Childhood Issues: A 26-year-old man called police after someone whom he thought was a friend stabbed him. He told officers the suspect took a knife from his pants and cut him on the left arm after accusing the victim of making fun of him. You don't want to know what he does if you tell him he didn't do a good enough job making his bed today.

Justice: A 25-year-old woman called police after her boyfriend threatened to shoot and kill her and kicked in the side of her car door. She then obtained warrants and had his house searched, where officers found the following: two handguns, weed, a bong, scales, bullets, shotgun shells, a revolver, three rifles and incriminating photographs. Such a breath of fresh air. I never imagine these police reports go anywhere and now to find one that has the douche bag go down right there in the same report!

Good Parenting: A 21-year-old woman called police after she was assaulted by her ex-boyfriend. She told officers that the man scratched her face and hit her once in the back of the head during an argument over the way she takes care of the daughter they have together. The daughter was in the room as this incident happened. I guess the guy probably made a lesson out of this and told the daughter, "See, look at Mommy. Nobody likes a crybaby."

Threat of the Week: A 45-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a known suspect. The suspect came to the woman's house at 10 a.m. and yelled, "I will fuck you up bitch. I will shoot you, and I even told you what I was going to do to you." Read The Blotter, woman! You're not the first person to have this ingenious idea of telling someone you're going to do something you're not going to do.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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