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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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All-Time Low: Police were called to a local church after a woman caught a Peeping Tom videotaping up her dress every time she stood up in the church pew. Witnesses detained the man until police arrived. Officers confiscated two CPU's, a video camera, a cell phone, two digital cameras, a thumb drive and a flash drive. In return the man received a one-way ticket to hell.

Unruly: Police were called to Ranson Middle School to get control of a student who had problems following directions. After police arrived, the student began using profane language toward staff and the officers and then began flipping desks over throughout the classroom. This kid is in middle school – would someone please contain him? If I was that teacher, I would be thinking, "Damn, it is going to be a long year."

Pinhead: Police were called to Strike City bowling alley in EpiCentre when a partygoer got a little out of control. Witnesses told officers the guy threw a beer glass and a shot glass against a wall inside the bar, shattering both. He then resisted police officers by cursing at them and not following any verbal commands. At some point the suspect broke the speaker microphone to the officer's police radio. Do you have a little brother who attends Ranson Middle School by any chance?

Nuts: The owner of an unfinished, vacant townhouse called police after his unit was damaged by an unknown suspect. He told officers that the back window of the condo was smashed and on the floor inside of the window was a half-eaten Almond Joy bar. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you really don't.

More Nuts: A 48-year-old woman called police after being harassed by an unknown suspect. She said that within a span of three days the man repeatedly texted her pornographic pictures of himself. It's bad enough that all you older people have already taken over Facebook. This new "sexting" fad is something that definitely has to be left to the high school and college students who started it.

All the Stops: Police were called to a local Wal-Mart after a suspect was caught shoplifting. The suspect unlawfully concealed the following items: 29 cans of baby formula, a woman's tank top, women's pants and two packages of pork ribs. It's important when starting a new family to have a balance in which the man, woman and baby are all happy with the results of a crime spree.

Jealousy: A 45-year-old man called police after he was threatened by the father of his children's friends. He told officers the man told him over the phone, "If you try to come and pick up your kids, I am going to get my boys to hurt you." Sounds like you're doing something right if you send your kids over to hang out and the neighbors want to keep them. Although, something tells me you probably want to stay away from any trades.

Shades of OJ: A 44-year-old woman called police after her phone was stolen. She told officers that she dropped the phone during a fight outside her apartment the previous night. Witnesses saw a suspect pick up the phone and walk away. The suspect is acting cooperative and saying he didn't see the phone and is willing to help her find it. Yet, every time the victim or anybody else calls the phone, the suspect answers.

Whippersnappers: A 51-year-old woman called police after being threatened by one of her neighbor's children. She told officers that she was yelling at some children for playing football in the street when one of the children's parents began to yell back at her. One of the children who was playing in the street then yelled, "Go inside before I beat yo' ass!" This must be one of those women on the street who never had kids and Girl Scouts won't go to her front door because she might eat them. Let the kids play football.

All Fun & Games: A 43-year-old police officer called his co-workers when his house was broken into while he was at work. The suspects took a 42-inch flat screen TV, an Xbox 360, a Playstation 2, a Nintendo Wii, a video camera and instruments for the game Rock Band. Look on the bright side: At least your power bill will probably be pretty low this month.

Threat of the Week: A 60-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a known suspect. The suspect saw the victim and told her, "You better get a restraining order because I'm going to kill your motherfucking ass, and I mean it." The victim is (understandably) concerned for her safety and said she has no idea why the suspect is mad at her. It's funny to me that the suspect would suggest the restraining order. Like, he can be armed to the teeth running at her and she waves that thing – is he just going to put his head down and go back home?

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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