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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Sister Act: Police were called to a home when a 22-year-old woman realized that her car was stolen out of the driveway. Before officers could arrive on the scene, the car was found. It appears that the girl's sister had stolen it for a quick ride down the street and, while high on prescription pills, crashed the car into another parked vehicle. The pilled-up sister told officers she was trying to pick up a guy who lives close by, when she realized that the guy had been at her house the whole time.

Don King: Police were walking their beat Uptown recently when they witnessed two homeless men fighting and another man cheering them on. After police broke it up and got down to business, it was found that both the homeless men had asked a nice, young gentleman if he had a few bucks to spare. The man then threw five dollars on the floor and told the two men that whoever could win in a fight between the two would come out that much richer. The instigator was then brought to a police car where he was arrested for an outstanding warrant for (You guessed it!) assault.

Self-Protection: An 18-year-old man called police after his house was broken into and robbed by three men. The men tied the victim up and ransacked his house, stealing his wallet, cash, cell phone, disc changer, speakers and a 12-gauge shotgun. They also stole four magazines and two boxes of ammunition. Either this guy is a total idiot who has a gun in his house for absolutely no reason, or these three guys are real lucky that the shotgun was tucked away somewhere when they kicked down that door. Could've been a very bad day for all three of them.

Washed Up: Employees at a local CVS pharmacy called police after witnessing a man shoplift from the store. They told officers a man walked into the store with a bag and loaded it up with $30 worth of body washes and deodorants. This won't be too hard: Just release the hounds. If the guy was this desperate, you could probably smell him from a mile away.

Chivalry Is Death: A 20-year-old woman filed a police report after being threatened by her boyfriend. She told officers that the man told her, "I will choke you in your sleep. If you leave me, I'll find you and kill you. If you leave, I'll get someone to find you and kill you." Just try rationalizing this relationship to your girlfriends. "Well, he is really sweet when I am awake. It's just when I go to sleep that the choking starts ... and then I barely notice."

Hypocrisy: A 33-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a neighbor in her apartment complex. The suspect told the woman, "You run your mouth too much. I will kill you. I have nothing to lose, I keep on telling you that." You have to love when people tell someone they talk too much and then continue to talk ... too much. That's like if Richard Simmons told you to calm down.

Death Metal: A 29-year-old woman filed a police report after a man she knows violated a restraining order. She told police that the man called her, which he is not legally allowed to do, and said to listen to the radio because he had dedicated a song to her. She should've at least listened. Drake's "Best I Ever Had" would have been one thing. Eminem's "Kill You" would have been another.

Pussy: A 27-year-old male went against all feelings of pride and filed a police report on his girlfriend for assaulting him. He said in the report that he was arguing with the woman when she picked up the cat cage and launched it at him, causing minor injuries. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a "cat cage."

Take A Seat: A 54-year-old woman called police after being assaulted by her husband. She told officers that she tried to ask her husband if he had paid the phone bill yet or if they still had to pay it. At this point the man became very irate and threw an iron dining room chair at her, causing a large bruise. Damn, don't even mention the mortgage.

Threat of the Week: A 21-year-old woman told police that she had been threatened by her roommates over a span of three days. She told officers that the two women have been leaving notes under her bedroom door for her to find and read later. In suspect No. 1's letter, she stated, "You owe me and ---- money. You need to get out or we are going to kick your ass." In the other roomie's letter it said, "All of your stuff will be in the trash too if you don't remove it immediately." That makes for one of the most awkward breakfasts you will ever witness. "So ... read anything good lately?"

Blotter items come from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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