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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Ingenious: Three male roommates in their mid-20s called police after catching two women stealing from them, literally under their noses. The men told police that the women came into their apartment, where music was playing, and randomly started dancing with them. By the time they found out what was going on, the women had already stolen $3,935 from the men. I can't stop laughing at the thought of this. They probably thought it was their luckiest night ever!

Lucky To Live: A 74-year-old woman told police that she was attacked by a suspect who was described as "within family." She stated that the suspect approached her from behind and struck her multiple times in the back of the head with a meat cleaver. The woman suffered multiple lacerations to her head and left fingers, which were broken. That makes for some tension at the next family reunion.

Hit and Run: In two separate cases this week, homeowners called police after an unknown person drove a car up their lawns and through rooms in their houses. Nobody was hurt in either case, and both times the driver fled the scene on foot. Thankfully on foot, for the good of all Charlotteans. I bet it's that damn woman on GPS telling people when to turn.

Bad Company: A 25-year-old man was brought to the hospital after being robbed by some men he knew. He told police he entered a car with the three armed men who were slightly familiar to him. The suspects then predictably pistol-whipped the man and drove him to a discreet location, where they robbed him of his clothes, his phone and $35.

Light Lifting: A woman filed a police report after realizing that her street legal scooter had been stolen from her driveway early in the morning. She told police she has the only key and can't imagine how it could have been stolen. Well I can imagine. All you need is a pickup truck and muscles that developed slightly past puberty.

High Maintenance: A juvenile girl was arrested at a local Wal-Mart recently for shoplifting. The police report says she attempted to leave the store with a Revlon liquid eye pin and Lash Blast eyeliner. It pays, but it also costs to be beautiful. This is probably the same girl who started a riot at the America's Next Top Model tryouts.

Baby Daddy: A 21-year-old woman called police after a pretty interesting fight with her child's father. She told police that the man assaulted her by pushing his hand against the right side of her face. (You mean ... a slap?) She said that this occurred during a fateful struggle for the bottle of lighter fluid that he was trying to pour into her car. This was his retaliation for her confrontation with his new woman at a cookout earlier in the day.

Blabber: Two men filed a police report against a known suspect after they had been threatened by the man repeatedly. The suspect called them on their phones a total of 30 times and kept repeating the threat, "I will kill you and your family with guns and knives." C'mon, 30 times and that's all you can come up with? That sounds like a robot giving a threat. Give me something to work with here.

Nice Plan: Officers were called out to a local church recently when members of the congregation became aware of a scam going on in the parking lot. Two people who met the police officers at the scene told them that the suspect, who was still there, had been in the church for two days. The suspect told people that a family member had been in a car wreck and needed money to help them. The police officer soon found out after "investigating" that there was, surprise, no accident or family member in trouble.

Impatient: A man was arrested at a local Food Lion after he was seen removing two beers from the shelf and bringing them to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, the man chugged the beers and threw them away – obviously not meaning to pay for them. I guess this was sort of a smart idea, considering that every week there are about 40 reports of people getting caught leaving the store with beers in their pockets.

Threat of the Week: A 32-year-old woman told police that she received seven calls from an unknown suspect stating various threats. During multiple calls, the suspect stated, "I am going to slit your throat. I got your name now. You are going to die tonight. You are going to die soon." After calling the suspect back and ordering her not to call anymore, the suspect called once more and stated, "I am 15 years old, and I'll go over to your house and deliver this threat to the police for you."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Meckleburg Police Department.

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