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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

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Painting The Town: A 29-year-old woman called 911 after being the victim of a drive-by shooting. The woman was walking down the street when a car rolled up beside her, and the four men inside began firing. One of them had a paintball gun, while the others all were firing air guns. If your paintball gun shows the rest of your crew who's boss, that's weak.

The Pop In: A woman filed a police report after claiming she received 20 text messages from a known suspect. In these text messages, the suspect allegedly told the "victim" that he would "pop over at your house" anytime he pleased. The victim said this was not said in a threatening manner, but she feels she has been harassed. Is she aware that there is actual crime happening in Charlotte?

Love Story: A 34-year-old woman reported a restraining order violation when her ex-boyfriend left a basket of Valentine's Day goodies on her lawn in front of her porch. She then received a text message stating, "I got your Valentine's present. What do you want me to do with it?" There are lonely women (and men) out there who wanted this all weekend long! What are you – allergic to the peanuts in the chocolate?

Embarrassment: A 35-year-old man called police when he found that his home had been broken into. The man told police that someone had attempted to steal his 50-inch flat screen TV but didn't even make it out of the door. The TV was found on the ground in the entryway. Looks like the thief needs to hit the gym ... or stick to stealing Playstations.

Half Past the Nipple: A 67-year-old woman reported her watch missing to police, after she says it fell out of her bra while she was attending church over the weekend. But her purse remained safely in there, along with her earrings and anklets.

Strapped Up: Police were called to a local electronics store after a man stole a $500 DirecTV card from them and got away. When police arrived, the man was spotted returning to the parking lot. While arresting the man, officers found that he had a long metal pipe attached to his torso with duct tape. Some people just need to be off the streets.

Nicotine Fiend: A security officer at a local shopping center called for police assistance after he was assaulted by a man toting a cigarette. The officer told the man he could not smoke in the area in which he was standing, at which time the suspect assumed a fighting stance and said, "I'm going to beat your ass." He then proceeded to do just that. Hey, never get between a man and his cigarettes.

Cowardly Threat: A 33-year-old woman called police after receiving a disturbing phone call from a known suspect. The suspect allegedly said, "I have people being released from jail, so you better enjoy your next few days alive." What are you – a mob boss? What kind of brainless idiot would get out of jail and ask you for an assassination job? Let them be. Let her be. Go do it yourself ... to yourself.

Trashy People: A 53-year-old man called police after being assaulted by a known suspect. The man reported that he was riding with the suspect to return a car to its owner. When the suspect decided he didn't want to return it, they began fighting. The fight escalated as they began throwing items from the trash can at each other, eventually breaking a window. You know what they say: You are what you use to fight.

Head Drama: A 48-year-old man called police after he says he witnessed a small child fall over accidentally and bump her head on his car, leaving a dent. What're you going to do – get her insurance information? I'm sure it's right there in the glove compartment of her Barbie-branded Big Wheels.

Deflation: A man called police after his home was raided while he was out running errands. The suspect kicked in the back door and rummaged through the house, finally taking a silver dollar dated 1842. What a great find! That will get you all kind of fur at the trading post for this harsh winter we have coming.

Threat of the Week: A 27-year-old man told police he had received some threatening text messages one afternoon. A known suspect sent him a message stating, "I'm going to have someone kill both of you." About an hour later, the same person sent another message stating, "I'm going to call the rental office and tell them that you have drugs in the apartment and call the police." You need evidence. You know, like what you're creating with these little messages.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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