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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files



Odd Behavior: A 33-year-old man told police that somebody broke into his house through a rear window and moved bags full of clothes from one room to another, before leaving through said window. Just another episode of Not-So-Extreme Makeover: Dumbass Edition.

Strangest Strangers: A woman reported that she was harassed by an unknown man who called her twice in ten minutes. During the first call, the man asked if she had any marijuana, and she told him not to call back. He then called back in a few minutes and said that he worked for CNN and was doing a survey. That must be the poll published by CNN last week: "How many people in Charlotte, N.C., possess weed, and are they willing to sell some?"

Penis Fun: A man told police that somebody damaged his car by drawing pictures of male genitalia on the windows with a paint marker. If you've seen Superbad, you know that this is an affliction that affects 8 percent of all kids, not the signs of someone being possessed by a dick devil.

Not So Sweet: A 56-year-old woman called police to report that someone had stolen diabetic candy from a cup on her night stand. Who wants to steal candy with no sugar in it? Isn't that the whole point of candy? I won't even go into the fact that this woman really felt it was necessary to call the police about a piece of candy worth a buck.

Hot Wheels: A woman told police that she had received a call from a person that she knew who said, "If you don't bring back my truck, I will burn you and whoever is in the truck with you." He'll have to find the truck first. And it sounds like he wants to set his own truck on fire with the people inside; then he'll be right back where he started.

'Tis The Seasoning: A woman was arrested at Food Lion after concealing items in her purse and trying to leave without paying. When confronted, it was found that she had stolen cheese, apple juice, milk, Goya seasoning and lighters. Why is it that nobody ever gets caught with something nourishing, like steaks or bread? You can't bum a light from someone standing outside?

Work It Out: A man and woman were arguing over the woman's daughter not working or contributing anything to the household. To get his point across, he told the mom that he was going to hit her across the head with a barbell weight. If I'm the daughter hearing this, I'm going to go do some laundry, cut the grass or something.

Greetings: When a 55-year-old woman went to visit her brother in the hospital, she was met in the lobby by her sister-in-law. She was then told by her brother's wife, "I'm the wife. I can do whatever I want to do. I will poison you and your brother." I'm not sure why this guy is in the hospital, but if it's stomach cramps or something of the sort, be careful. Hint hint.

Creepy: A 39-year-old female called police when she realized she was being stalked. She stated that she thought it was a coincidence that the man kept showing up at her destinations. Then she realized that he was sitting in his car waiting for her to pass by, at which time he would follow her. What gave it away, when you both showed up at the same gynecologist office?

Actually, I Don't: An apparently pregnant woman notified police after a suspect called her 25 times. During one phone exchange, the suspect said, "If you don't stop calling him I am going to kill you. You know what happens to pregnant girls when they go walking." Those parenting books these days have gone crazy. First no smoking or drinking; now you can't even walk down the street when someone wants to kill you.

Slippery Suspect: Two officers arrested a woman for disorderly conduct and put her in the back of the patrol car. The suspect slipped out of her handcuffs. When the two officers tried to remove her from the vehicle to handcuff her again, she punched and scratched them causing minor injuries to both. I guess it's true: the biggest crazies come in small packages.

Threat of the Week: A 19-year-old man reported to police that some unknown person had called him and said, "Bring me money in 24 hours." After making this comment, the suspect played what sounded like a recording that said, "I'm going to cut your balls off and put them on the table where you can see them." I hope he doesn't mean the dinner table because that just brings a whole new set of disturbing thoughts to mind.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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