Prank Caller: Police responded after a woman called 911 in a panic, saying that her child had been abducted. When officers arrived, they found that the woman did not even have a child. She was just trying to file a larceny report and felt that the police were taking too long to answer her previous call. The woman was charged with misuse of 911.

Mrs. Hannibal Lecter: Police responded to a domestic disturbance at a home off of The Plaza last week. The man told officers that he was in an argument with his wife when she lunged at him and bit one of his arms. When he tried to push her away, she bit the other arm. When she got her fill, the woman stole his Nikon D90 camera and left the house, probably to buy a nice Chianti and some fava beans.

Sensorship: Anything can be used as a weapon, even things that were invented to stop crime. Police responded to an assault call at a Ross clothing store last week after a 45-year-old woman was hit by another woman. The suspect swung a piece of clothing at the victim and smacked her in the eye with the security sensor that's supposed to prevent shoplifting.

Poopmobile: A 31-year-old man filed a police report last week after someone had smeared human feces all over his vehicle. The man told officers he knew who it was and said he saw the suspect leaving. We don't blame him for not following her.

Runaway Liar: A 42-year-old man left a local Walmart last week and found a woman bent over in front of his car. The woman's car, parked in front of his, was damaged. The man's car also had a new dent. He asked if she had backed into his car, and the woman said that she hadn't — she was "just checking on something." She then got into her car and sped away.

Buy One, Get One: Police responded to a call from a local boutique after a woman was bold enough to return to the scene of a crime she committed. An employee told officers that the woman had come into the shop to buy a $400 chandelier. While paying for the chandelier, she was caught on video stuffing a candle from the display counter into her purse. When she returned later to pick up the item she actually paid for, police were waiting. She denied her crime to her husband until the manager showed them the surveillance video. The embarrassed man paid for the candle. The woman was banned from the store before employees put her new chandelier in her car.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.