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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Nov. 9 edition)

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Boo: A 43-year-old woman called police after someone pranked her house a little too hard on Halloween. The woman told officers someone threw a pumpkin through her front bedroom window, shattering it. What's worse, the glass on the carpet or the smell of rotting pumpkin in your bedroom?

I Heart You: A 23-year-old man called police after being threatened and harassed by another man. The victim told officers the suspect had called him 40 times over two months and at one point stated, "I'm going to kill you and rip your heart out. I'm crazy and you don't know who you are messing with. I do not care if I go to jail." That's interesting, neither does anyone else.

Trick or cell phone: A 26-year-old woman called police after her cell phone was stolen Halloween night. She told officers she left the phone on a table on her porch next to a big bowl of candy that was meant for kids to choose from. Hmmm. A cell phone or a Hershey's Kiss. Tough decision.

Still Got It: An employee at a local residential care facility in south Charlotte filed a police report last week after a resident damaged property. The employee told officers the suspect punched two holes in a wall. Think that's bad, you should see Grandpa's face!

Bring The Cold: A 56-year-old woman filed a police report after waking up to find her car had been vandalized. The woman told officers an unknown suspect cut a circular hole through the convertible top of her Chrysler Sebring. Nasty, but look at the bright side: Now she can install that periscope she's always wanted.

Crack entertainment: Employees at a local Target called police last week after catching a man shoplifting. The man attempted to leave the store with a DVD of Cartoon Network's Robot Chicken. While arresting the suspect, police found a crack pipe on him. Not exactly the DVD one would think of for a crackhead.

groundhog day: A 52-year-old man filed a police report after being threatened by a known suspect. He told officers the suspect texted him five times before driving to his home and yelling, "You filed eviction papers on me, I'm going to fuck you up." Don't people realize that doing stuff like that just makes people file more papers on them? Then they have to fire off more texts and drive by yelling more profanity, ad infinitum. Just leave the damn house!

Say what?: A 57-year-old woman filed a police report after being repeatedly harassed by the same suspect. She told officers that someone made 25 calls to her cell phone and each time said something in a foreign language and then hung up. Now you know how the customer service reps in India feel all day long.

Crack education?: Employees at a Best Buy called police after catching a suspect shoplifting in the store last week. According to the report, a man ripped open several packages and then attempted to leave. The suspect was found with a LeapFrog educational videogame system and an Elmo starter kit game. Yeah, but did he also have a crack pipe?

Threat of the Week: A 27-year-old woman called police after being threatened at her home in the JT Williams community last week. She told officers the suspect came to her home at midnight and stood in the yard with a small kitchen knife stating, "I got a knife, I'll cut you." The suspect returned the next morning with an empty beer bottle and said, "Come off the porch. I'll bash you with this beer bottle." To think: trick-or-treating was once about candy and fake horror.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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