Snoop Lioness: A University-area woman was arrested last week after she smoked some weed that would make Snoop Lion proud. A man who lives in the woman's apartment complex called police after he saw her walking up and down the apartment building steps, yelling and talking to herself. When police found her, she was in her room with a marijuana pipe. The police also seized her incense for good measure.
iF*&k: A 20-year-old woman filed a report against her boyfriend after he shattered her phone's screen. The woman told officers that her boyfriend asked to use her phone. When she got it back, the screen was cracked. The man told her that a message on her phone made him so mad that he squeezed the phone until it cracked.
Screwed: A friendly soccer game at Winterfield Park was cut short — or jabbed short — last week after a fight broke out on the field. When two men got into an argument, one of them pulled a screwdriver out of his pocket, which he apparently brings to all of his competitive events. He allegedly stabbed the other man in the torso and then stabbed another man in the left cheek.
Activi-aaah!: A 28-year-old woman called police last week after falling victim to an assault that seemed more like a gag from a Nickelodeon game show. The woman told officers that a man poured an entire bucket of yogurt on her head. She did not seek medical attention.
The Heat: Police responded to a home break-in in south Charlotte after a 27-year-old man came home to find that someone had stolen all his jewelry and shoes. In most cases, cops would prioritize the jewelry, but these were no normal shoes. While he and his girlfriend's watches and bracelets are worth $925, the man's Nike Lebron shoes Versions 8, 9 and 10 were valued at $10,000.
Ballsy-point pen: A 52-year-old man filed a vandalism report after someone decided that writing graffiti on his walls wasn't going far enough. The man said he heard a thud against the side of his wall after midnight one night but didn't investigate until the next day. That is when he found that someone had stuck a ballpoint pen two inches into the siding of his house... on the second floor.
Don't shoot the messenger: A woman filed a report with police after claiming she was being threatened by her boss, who also refused to pay her. She told officers the man left her a message saying he would "fuck her up." When police asked to hear the message, she played one during which the boss sounded perfectly fine and told her that she would have to be on time for once if she wanted to get paid. When they pressed her to play the threatening voice mail, the woman changed her behavior and said that her phone was about to die.